Archive for romance

Cinderella aint shhhhhh..

Posted in Love Actually.., The Way I See It with tags , , , , on 09/26/2011 by emellewriter

I have often felt saddened by the realization that I’d fit so well into a man’s life that it’s like we’re best friends but we don’t feel those strong romantic tugs at our hearts for each other.

Then right now.. I had an epiphany, that is the problem! That notion that I have to feel some strong romantic tug telling me that I am head over heels for someone.

I had that before and that negro ended up being a crazy sonofapossiblecrackhead..

Perhaps, what I need is that man that makes me feel good telling him anything, who makes me laugh, who makes me want to play.. even if I don’t feel earth shattering love feelings for him.. something that is easy and easy to handle..

Maybe I’ve been looking too hard.. and not only that.. too hard for the wrong things..

I’ve got a good thing going and I almost ruined it with silly notions like those.. maybe it’s time to let go of the Cinderella fantasy and truly follow my heart.. because right now I think it’s pointing in the right direction…

Who said love had to feel like a Hans Christian Andersen story!??


Have You Ever…

Posted in MMM.. Now That's Sexy, Oh.. He Could Get It, Say What Now?!, Sigh Life, Single and Loving It, SMH at your leisure, Whoo.. Chile! with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on 02/05/2010 by emellewriter

… Been speed dating!?

Let me know in the comments if you got this joke! I did.. rotflmao

I havent.. but today (weather permitting) I will!!

I am going to go with some friends to an event titled “Cuffing Season”.. (I know we won’t even go there!)

Anywho.. I am going to go to this event and speed date and have a little fun.. I have seen people speed date on tv and it looks like a good time.. Im not the type of girl to get all Cinderella about something like this.. I’ll be more.. Bad Girls Club..

I am not looking for love just some good laughs.. if I happen to meet someone nice.. then hopefully I’ll get a movie & some cheddar biscuits out of the deal.. or at least a good phone convo or two.. but I highly doubt I will since I will probably recognize most of the people there..

There is one guy in particular that I hope to see.. he is a club stalker.. and I have decided to turn the tables on him the next time I see him.. so he knows how it feels to get hawked!! However.. I have a feeling he knows how it feels already (because he is 007 sexy) so it might be a failed plan but a fun time..

Anyway.. I am just hoping to go have a good time.. laugh at some corny dudes and drink shirley temples to my little hearts content..

I will be sure to let you guys know how the speed dating went via FlyPaper Magazine!! stay tuned.. this is gonna be FUN!!

I guess I’ll give you Clevelanders the info (taken directly from my email #copyandpastethat): CUFFING SEASON, A SPEED DATING EVENT W/ STYLE @ LUST TONIGHT (2/5), 9PM To 11PM

Booty Calls and Other SRs

Posted in If You Like It I Love It, m. lauren speaks, SRs, What Is The Big Deal!? with tags , , , , , , , , , , on 01/26/2010 by emellewriter

As you know.. I write for FlyPaper Magazine.. this is an article I did back in the summer.. I decided to share it here.. Enjoy!.. and visit FlyPaper  for more from me and the FP fam!

Ain’t No Call Like A Booty Call 

There was once a time when a guy would be “sweet” on a girl and court her.  He would take her on dates, whisper sweet nothings in her ear and be nervous about getting that good night kiss.  There was a time when young men walked up to a young lady’s door, presented her with flowers and brought her home before the bewitching hours (10p-3a) of the night.   

Boy, have times changed.  

In the new millennium, being “sweet” on a girl means that you think she has a fatty and you’d like to tap that.  Dates require as much time and preparation as it takes to text a girl and see if she wants just come “chill and watch a movie”, those sweet nothings in your ear consist of him whispering about how “bad” you are and that good night kiss? Well that just turned into a good night romp in the sheets.  In this day and age, a pack of condoms is more likely to be presented than something of the floral variety and those bewitching hours are prime-time for the modern day Casanova. 

Whatever happened to old school romance? Apparently it flew out the window with saddle shoes, glass Coca-Cola bottles and poodle skirts.  A new Sexual Revolution has taken over.  Much more under wraps yet nastier than the free love 70’s, the booty-call-friend-with-benefits-f*#%-buddy trend is liberating the pants off people from high-school to the Sunrise Senior Living complex.  But, this rash of no-strings sexual encounters comes along with plenty of issues:

1. one party lying to or leading on the other party resulting in 2. the risk of emotional attachment 3. the risk of contracting an STD/HIV/AIDS 4. pregnancy (a booty call baby) 5. the risk of public humiliation (usually in cases where one party goes locker room on the other), among other things. 

With all of these potential problems, why would one venture into the realm of booty call-dom?

Casual sex research conducted by ScienceDaily found, “… women are more willing to have casual sex when there is a chance of forming a long-term relationship.” Casual sex is not and will never be a precursor to a relationship.  As the old saying goes “if he can have the milk for free, why buy the whole cow?”  If it’s a relationship you are searching for, having casual sex can be very detrimental to what you’re trying to build.  Instead of creating a foundation for a strong, lasting relationship, people in these situations tend to settle for less.  If, in fact, a relationship did result from the random encounter, the foundation of the relationship would be based on the initial lust, so building upon that would take more work than you may be willing to withstand. Mutual sexual attraction does not equal compatibility.

Focus, instead, on what you want out of a successful relationship and what you have to offer.  If you have standards in mind, you won’t be quick to lower them for someone else, no matter how fine or drool-worthy he is.  Giving it up to get more will only result in you feeling used, regretful and emotionally shriveled.  According to ScienceDaily, “The predominant negative feeling reported by women was regret at having been “used”. Women were also more likely to feel that they had let themselves down … What the women seemed to object to was not the briefness of the encounter but the fact that the man did not seem to appreciate her.”  Take out time for yourself, learn who you are and appreciate yourself before seeking out a faulty relationship.

On the other hand, many people are comfortable in their sexuality and sexual decisions.  If you are one of these people and decide to embark on a no-strings sexual journey, take precautions to avoid confusion, negativity and emotional or physical harm.

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“Lets Just Chill And Watch A Movie”

Posted in Boy Bye!, CRAZY TALK!!, Sigh Life, We Dont Settle Round These Here Parts, Wham Bam No Thank You Ma'am with tags , , , , , , , , on 01/07/2010 by emellewriter

Or… NOT!

Guys, I want to let you in on a little not-so-secret.. we do NOT want to come over for a “movie & just chill”.. there are a couple of reasons why..

NUMBER ONE: Movie night is a loose translation in dateguage for = let me try to hit that.. Most of the ladies know this! A movie is the perfect opportunity for you to see how far you can go because the lights are off, we are in close proximity and you think you’re slick! If we come over for the movie we either a. are going to have sex with you anyway or b. really want to watch a movie so don’t try nothin.. Group A is usually easy to tell because she’ll accept the invite with no other questions and come on over.. Group B will probably say something like “no funny business”.. Group C (the girls who know whats up and “aint down wit dat”) are the girls who will emphatically say “NO” when asked for a movie night and suggest another date idea.. Group D are girls who are just plain naive and don’t understand the dateguage code.. they will come for the movie and probably give it up and then say “oohhh’ when her friends explain how you just played her like a fiddle

NUMBER TWO: We want to be shown off.. especially if this is date one, we want to see what kind of person you are out in public, how you’ll treat us and how people respond to you.. cooking dinner at your place is sweet and all but I want to know if you are rude to waiters, hold doors and will try new things! We will also assume that you are trying to get into our pants if we are invited over.. it’s just a fact.. you are a guy (guilty) until proven a real man (innocent) .. A “guy” is after the panties, the conquest, the conquer.. a real man is after the woman herself.. ||generalizations are not 100% accurate, learn a person individually|| Until we feel comfortable with your intentions.. we may avoid being at the house during certain time periods

NUMBER THREE: We don’t know you like that! Serial murderers and rapists walk the streets like regular people do.. they have jobs and friends and go to the zoo.. As women living in the “Age of Lifetime”.. we are sometimes extra cautious.. meeting you at the restaurant, bringing a friend to sit at the bar while we eat, not letting you see where she lives.. these actions were created by women who don’t want to get dated raped and blugeoned end up as case studies for Law and Order: SVU.. Don’t fret if you are dating this woman.. just allow her to get comfortable with you and show her that you are a stand up guy.. but please don’t go all Scott Peterson on her after she falls in love!

NUMBER FOUR: We want you to be creative.. cooking dinner and watching a movie in your living room can be both romantic and boring! Spice things up a bit! We want you to think of something fun and exciting to do with us on dates.. After a few relationships and millions of dates.. they are all the same.. steak is steak and a rom-com is a rom-com.. Mix it up and surprise us with something that has never been done!

NUMBER FIVE: We don’t EVER want you to think we are that girl.. the easy girl, the slutty girl, etc.  We are pure and innocent until we know you well enough to unleash the freak! If she doesn’t want to be alone with you or at your home, it may be because she doesn’t want to get into a sexual situation “too soon” or lead you to believe that she is a frequentor of “movie nights”..

Guys.. we are complicated creatures.. we know this! We have a reason for not doing anything and never have a reason for doing it.. we group all of you together until you’ve proven that you are an individual worthy of being called a man and we hold our standards close to our hearts.. We want the best kind of man that we can find just like you want the best woman you can find.. so don’t argue about why Blockbuster nights can be fun.. whip out that thinking cap and WOW us!

||please note: this post refers to ladies and real women.. hoodrats don’t mind movie nights||

Not For Free!

Posted in Are You Serious?!, CRAZY TALK!!, Fool!, Hold The Phone!!, I Don't Get Down Like That, I'm Just Sayin, IMO, Intimate Does Not Equal Sex, Let Me Explain, m. lauren speaks, Say What Now?!, The Way I See It with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on 09/22/2009 by emellewriter

By saying “Don’t give up the kitty for free” I am not telling you to prostitute yourself.. I am just telling you not to give up the goods for nothing!

What we as women hold between our legs is a treasure.. we give life through our vaginas.. HELLO!??!

We need to realize that our lady parts are not toys or bargaining tools.. they are, just as I said, treasure.. they are highly sought after and should be held to the highest of standards..

That being said.. don’t just give it up to 1. just anybody for 2. any old reason..

Your “treasure box” is special.. and only you hold power over it.. however, we have been allowing men access to these magnificent treasures like they are Happy Meal toys.. NO NO!

A man needs to earn that.. he should be giving you time.. respect.. patience.. trust and getting to know you before you go rewarding him with the p..

You should be gauging whether he is worth all of you.. and all of your time before you go spreading your legs.. if all he is good for is a cheap dinner at Red Lobster.. he is not good enough for your lovin shit, maybe he is.. no judgement

Giving it up for nothin is letting a man hit on day one.. giving it to him after a dollar show and a value meal.. make him wait.. make him earn it!

What usually happens when you give it up too soon?! a. he’s no longer interested or b. he is only interested in the sex after that .. what is it that you believe he is chasing!?

Your sensitivity?! Your intellect!? Come on now.. he is chasin that ass! And the joy of the hunt is.. THE HUNT!

If a lion comes along and a gazelle just lays the hell down.. the lion is probably going to be a bit peeved.. he’ll still eat the gazelle.. but his thirst for the hunt won’t be quenched.. he’ll move on to a gazelle that is willing to be chased.. (this is why you’re the jump-off and she’s the gf sweetie)..

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Lonely Feelings

Posted in Being Single SUCKS!!, Intimate Does Not Equal Sex, m. lauren speaks, Single and Loving It, The Way I See It with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on 09/15/2009 by emellewriter

It is normal to feel lonely every now and then.. you can have a billion people around you and feel lonely.. why?

Because.. you want to feel special and loved by someone.. there is a great feeling that comes with feeling like your a special gift to another person.. it’s an even better feeling when you know they feel the same way..

Lonely feelings usually come to me after I am around lovey situations or am in bed alone.. or anytime.. there is nothing wrong with feeling a little alone at times.. I can let the creative juices flow, or work out problems, or just be with myself..

The problem comes when one tries to relieve loneliness.. with someone.. anyone..

Like I said.. it’s a great feeling to be a gift to someone.. those feelings last and last..

But when you are settling -for a moment or a lifetime- for a person just so you won’ t be lonely.. the feelings you’ll have will mostly be synonyms of: misery

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SR // Stay In Your Lane

Posted in Girl Bye.., Hold The Phone!!, I Don't Get Down Like That, I'm Just Sayin, m. lauren speaks, Oh.. No.., Say What Now?! with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on 09/15/2009 by emellewriter

Sidepieces make the world go round..

These SR’s usually start off carefree and whimsical.. a committed man and his sidepiece.. hangin out, hot sex on a platter, cheap dinner or maybe some shoes.. see your ass next time..


She starts getting greedy.. sidepieces need to learn their place..

If you are the willing and able cots (chick on the side).. you have rules to follow..

1. Don’t call me, I’ll call you – helloooo!? He could be with the main chick at ANY time.. if he’s tryna link up.. he’ll give you a call.. and if not, you sit tight and wait for it.. if you are lucky enough to have thenumber, you better dial that bitch private.. ring codes (ring twice and hang up) do NOT work because it’s hella suspect..
2. Don’t send me any evidence – do not email, text, bbm or facebook him naked pictures or sexy messages.. the main is the main for a reason.. that bitch is smarter than your average bear (or dumb as hell).. if you send something that is suspect.. if will be discovered and you, boo boo, will probably get that ass mollywhopped! (why do they always go after the girl?)
3. Don’t be diggin up shit – as a sidepiece, you are to stay as far away from the fam as possible.. don’t google map , don’t yellow page .. don’t find out ANYTHING about him he didn’t tell you.. if you show up at the house or call the house.. the main will mop the floor with your ass!
4. Don’t ask questions, just do as I say – whether he’s tryna hide you before the front door opens, or is tellin you not to kiss him in public.. you better comply! Asking questions wastes time and energy he could be spending finding a more compliant sidepiece
5. Don’t deviate from the script – if the lie is that you’re the cousin.. you must be the cousin AT ALL TIMES (in public).. you can’t go to the mall all hugged up so the Nordstrom’s cashier can call gf #1 and tell her she saw her man and his cousin hugged up (ew)
6. Don’t ever think you’re safe – just because you go to the mall 60 miles away.. or you take a vacay to the cabins don’t mean you can’t be caught.. slick main chicks have friends in high and low places.. with camera phones! ..
7. Don’t go tellin your business – have you ever seen “The Women”!? Where ol girl tells her manicurist all about her new man.. and then manicurist tells his wife.. b/c she doesn’t know that’s his wife?! You keep this ish under WRAPS.. it’s called a secret romance for a reason!
8. Don’t try to become the main – a. if he is cheating with you.. he will cheat on you b. if he is lying to her.. he will lie to you c. you are already a homewrecking whore.. why would he want to wife that?!
9. Don’t think he won’t leave you too – oh you thought you were immune to getting dumped because you’re his jump off?! GIRL BYE! He will drop that ass like a hot potato as soon as a. you start getting clingy b. a new piece comes along c. your vag dries up
10. Don’t get involved – DUH.. a jump off will NEVER benefit .. a Fendi bag will not cure a broken heart boo.. no matter how much material things or money you receive.. you won’t have love, trust, respect or honesty.. you’re just a dedicated call girl

Honestly.. I’m not serious about these rules (except maybe 8-10) .. sleeping with, dating or even talking on the phone with a married man is dirty as all get out.. there are tons of single, eligible men in the world.. don’t waste your time or loosen your walls f’in with someone elses man! That Alicia Keys type bullshit dont fly around here.. I’d rather you find a man doin a bid #NoLockdown than insert your dirty little cooch into someone’s marriage.. *woo-saaah*

In short.. I would advise women to check before they f*ck! If he isn’t committed.. he is free game.. but if he has someone.. keep it moving.. thats like picking up gum from the bottom of the desk and chewing it.. NASTY..


If you do decide to get your homewrecking ass in a SR w/ a committed man.. follow these rules.. watch your back.. and wrap the f up you nasty skeezy hoe!


-m. lauren, regular SBF