Archive for love

Reality Check

Posted in Girl Bye.., Uncategorized with tags , , , , , on 07/04/2014 by emellewriter

Yesterday, I had made a decision that I was going to go home (I’m currently out of town) and let a certain someone know what time it was. I had made up in my mind what I wanted and how and he was going to have to get with it or keep it moving …

 

And then I read this post by Jewel at her blog: A Perfect Fit

 

reality check

 

So here’s some background … I have known Jewel since I was a young, heartbroken and determined college student. God brought her into my life just as I was healing from a terrible situation and seeking God. She isn’t a perfect person but a woman that loves the Lord and has an open and bright heart. I share this because I want anyone reading to understand that I don’t read her blogs for the sake of reading, but because I know her heart is in the words…

 

So the post that I just read was in short about single women who are dating: knowing our worth and that we are good enough. Please read the entire blog whether you’re single or taken, man or woman. It was enlightening.

 

In it, she talks about many of the same things I have spoken about (on this blog and in other realms) and things that I am currently going through. One particular paragraph really hit home for me:

 

If a guy tells you he’s not looking for anything serious-He’s NOT looking for anything serious. I don’t care how pretty you are, how seductive you are-listen to him. He’s not ready.

 

How many times have I said this myself? A million! I’ve posted it on FB and twitter and said it to my friends but it wasn’t until I read these sentences (in the context of the entire post) that it finally hit me. The exact thing that I had been warning other people about, is the same exact thing I was getting ready to go and do! I wanted to tell a man that has told me more than once that he isn’t ready that he should be ready because I want something from him that he is unwilling or unable to give. Nevermind the fact that I already know that I won’t get it. It’s just the rebel in me wanting to “take a chance.” As I was reading Jewel’s post and reflecting on my own thoughts about this particular man, I heard me telling myself :

 

nene-girl-bye

 

I had to take the largest of chill pills and tell myself: Girl, that man don’t wantchu! (lol, that’s what I said).

 

See, the thing is, I have held on to feelings for this person for quite some time. And, instead of just letting them go, I allowed myself to fall deeper into them by giving away my time and energy which only made things worse. The more time, the more frivolous PDA, the more … whatever that we give each other, the harder it is to distinguish between what’s been said and what’s been shown. Because what I see and what I hear are two different things but I learned a long time ago that men will usually be very verbally clear even if the actions they show you contradict that.

 

We try to be everything we think the man wants. We act cool, not too needy. We act like we’re just “hanging and having fun.” We put on a front not to scare them away. I will tell you this-once you get married all those things you hid will come to light. You tried putting your best foot forward by hiding things but it’ll come out sooner or later. So why not, just be intentional in dating? Forget “just having fun”, women are delicate! We can’t play “the game” like men. God created us to love, and nurture and have hearts. We love strong! And you weren’t designed to do that for every man you meet nor were you created to have your heart broken over and over again. Really no one is.

 

I have come to realize (the hard way) that I’m not a “kick-it girl”. I am a “move into your heart” type of woman. I am not pleased by the causal  nature of  many dating situations. I’m not okay with the “having fun” when in the back of my mind I know I want something more. I have known this for a long time, this is what I did.

 

So I quit dating. I quit selling myself for close to nothing. God had bought me for a price-and I was going to start charging! Every cute guy with a good line was NOT going to be able to “get to know me.” If God created ONE man for ONE woman, then he had to be special.

 

I “quit” dating probably about 2 years ago. In fact, when I told this to one of my good male friends and he asked why – my reply was that I had to be focused on other things like school. His reply was “once you graduate, then what will your excuse be?” At the time I rolled my eyes and explained to him that I wouldn’t find excuses, but when the time was right it would be right. Fast forward and I realize that he was right, however, it wasn’t excuses that I found, just better reasons.

 

I found that dating just wasn’t working for me the way I was going about it. I allowed too many people to have my number, my conversation, my time, my affection … So I stopped. I found the things that were holding me back and figured out what changes needed to be made: choosing celibacy, choosing to be more selective, giving time to people who really and truly care for my best interests and learning patience.

 

And it works. I still meet bozos here and there but it’s easier to weed them out.

 

delete delete delete

 

On the other hand, I have moments like the one I started the post about in the first place. Moments where I want to ignore what I know to be true and right for me and just do what feels good. Moments where I have to sit back and assess where my thoughts are coming from – my heart? my confused mind? the outside world? lust? And that is when God blesses me with things like Jewel’s post. Things that put into perspective all of the choices I have made to shield myself from the shallow and murky world of dating.

 

I know that there are God-loving men out here who are marriage-minded and that there is one made solely for me. And I know that when the time is right, he’ll come around and God will bless our union. And, in the meantime, I have to do ensure that I am making God choices, not Me choices.

 

For today, that meant realizing that no matter what feelings I have for the gentleman I previously spoke of, those feelings would be best left alone for now. He is not ready and truthfully, neither am I. That doesn’t mean that in the future we wouldn’t be right for each other but it certainly doesn’t mean that we will. We could both just as well be being prepared for two other wonderful people and our dealings could even be blocking that. I don’t know, just speculating. However, what I do know is that I can’t push any man to do or be anything I want him to be. That means that no matter how badly I would want to tell this guy that I want to be with him and he needs to get his life, it wouldn’t matter what I said. If he wanted to be with me, he would let it be known.

 

Sometimes we just need a reality check, whether from a friend or a stranger. My reality check stopped me from throwing my heart back into a place where I knew it might not be welcomed. It reminded me to be patient and to be dutiful in my growth as a Woman of God. All that other stuff will eventually come along and moments like these, they pass. I’m just grateful that Jewel saw fit to bring these words from her heart to her blog for women like me who need a little check every once in a while.

 

You can find her post here at A Perfect Fit. 

 

 

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Cinderella aint shhhhhh..

Posted in Love Actually.., The Way I See It with tags , , , , on 09/26/2011 by emellewriter

I have often felt saddened by the realization that I’d fit so well into a man’s life that it’s like we’re best friends but we don’t feel those strong romantic tugs at our hearts for each other.

Then right now.. I had an epiphany, that is the problem! That notion that I have to feel some strong romantic tug telling me that I am head over heels for someone.

I had that before and that negro ended up being a crazy sonofapossiblecrackhead..

Perhaps, what I need is that man that makes me feel good telling him anything, who makes me laugh, who makes me want to play.. even if I don’t feel earth shattering love feelings for him.. something that is easy and easy to handle..

Maybe I’ve been looking too hard.. and not only that.. too hard for the wrong things..

I’ve got a good thing going and I almost ruined it with silly notions like those.. maybe it’s time to let go of the Cinderella fantasy and truly follow my heart.. because right now I think it’s pointing in the right direction…

Who said love had to feel like a Hans Christian Andersen story!??

You Could Be My Piece // Brief Reflections on Love

Posted in Love Actually.., luv music, m. lauren speaks with tags , , , , , , on 12/17/2010 by emellewriter

Lately I have been too busy to even see straight.. but I recently had the chance to cop Miguel’s album All I Want Is You.

I FCUKING LOVE IT!

The album is smooth, easy to listen to and different from what I usually listen to without being over the top..

One of my favorite’s off the album is “My Piece” <<click to listen>>

He’s singing about his girl being his piece.. by his side.. ridin and dyin..

The song resonates with me because it makes me reflect whenever I hear it..

When I think of love and relationships I think of two people who stand side by side.. they’re partners.. they’re lovers.. they’re friends

The song just reflects love back to me.. it’s sexy, a little bit gangsta, it leaves a bit to the imagination and it makes you want more and more.. it makes you feel safe and secure, a little risque and exclusive..

The exclusivity of love is so appealing.. any and everybody can find, experience and be in love.. but it’s not the same experience for any two people.. Love is intimate, full of surprises and sacred.. it’s actually a lot more than I can put into words or even imagine..

It is my hope that true love finds every person..

I think I just got a bit too mushy! Buy Miguel’s album on iTunes let me know what your favorite songs are..

You can follow Miguel on twitter.. @migmoney..

Let me know your thoughts in the comments or via twitter @emellewriter

Just because I love you: bonus just in case I ever become a stripper favorite track <<Vixen>>

“love is too weak to define, just what you mean to me” -Prince, Adore

*speaking of true love, not the lust, like and confusion some of you busters deem love


love notes // Jungle Love

Posted in love notes with tags , , , , , , , on 08/04/2010 by emellewriter

So.. my gift of randomness and blogging is something that’s manifested from my true love and talent for writing.. betchadinknow.. I write quite a bit of poetry and bits of literature here and there and I decided that I want to share a little bit..

It’s been one of those summers.. enjoy 

heart rippling in my chest

pounding wildly

a drop of sweat

rolls down your back

skin glistening,  glowing

your muscles flex roughly

I grab hold

you’re grasping me tight

erratic breathing

tighten and release

grabbing grabbing

scratching pulling

teeth against flesh

low grunts

deep moans

and faster, faster

nails penetrate skin

eye contact

rushing, pushing pulling wildly

lips meet

kissing sucking biting

inhale exhale

breathing in his musk

slapping scratching screaming

wild

hot

steamy

jungle love

Practice Love

Posted in Love Actually.., m. lauren speaks, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on 04/27/2010 by emellewriter


Love is like any other great accomplishment in life.. it takes hard work, effort and yes.. practice..

Just like Lebron James (#GoCavs) practices daily to improve his game.. we must practice love..

I know you’ve heard the new person in your life tell you that you remind them of their ex haven’t you?! And I am sure that you’ve had one or two that reminded you of an ex..

We all have some “type” of person that we are attracted to.. and we like to tell our friends when we meet someone “nuh-uh girl.. he aint e’en my type.. next!” like we created this type in our minds.. I choose to believe something a bit different..

Since I believe that God has blessed us (not all of us, because some of us are meant to be single) with one other person to spend our lives with.. I know for a fact that He wouldn’t just send us out into the world to be waiting, preparing and searching for that person blindly! With that said.. I believe that your “type” is made up of all those little qualities that your future mate possesses and while we are out dating and meeting people, we come to learn what traits those are..

Following?!

So.. when we meet ex-boyfriend 1 that we thought we were madly in love with and ex-boyfriend 2 that we swore we were going to marry.. THEN we meet potential-boyfriend-and-life-mate 3 and he reminds us of both 1 and 2.. perhaps that is Gods way of letting you know that you are getting closer to what He has for you..

It is inevitable to to choose mates based on what you are attracted to.. of course they will remind you of exes!

The problem is when we try to run from our exes by not dating anyone who is even remotely like him/her, avoiding a new person that displays traits from the last, etc.

Dating is practice.. you learn what you do and do not like, what kind of person you are in relationships, what you want for yourself from a relationship, etc.

Running from someone you are naturally attracted to is like Tiger Woods trying to play football.. #stayinyourlane..

So.. how about this instead?!

Understand that you are choosing based on what you are supposed to be attracted to.. that each person you date is preparing you for your future husband/wife.. the exes allow you to see the good and bad, the likes and dislikes and then be prepared to deal with them and love the “soulmate” fully, flaws and all..

Every guy that I date reminds me somehow of someone that I dated before.. but I feel that each time I upgrade and it’s becoming easier for me to see how I will deal with my husband when he comes along..

Love is not a game of sport.. but it does take practice.. we have to see the good and bad faces of our exes in order to be appreciative of all parts of our future lifemates..

So.. don’t discount the next person that comes along who reminds you of that skeezy ex who broke your heart 2 years ago.. that skeez may have just taught you more about this new guy/girl that you would ever know..

So embrace whatever it is that you find and allow the next person to prove themselves but if they turn out crazy.. that’s on you!

xoxo,

m. lauren

Is Love Intelligent??

Posted in Love Actually.., m. lauren speaks with tags , , , , on 04/22/2010 by emellewriter

Over the past few adult years of my life.. I have heard people tell me to take it slow and be smart and all other kinds of intellectual bs when it comes to love and..

I just don’t get it..

Love is an emotion.. a feeling.. and empowering and overcoming feeling but a feeling nonetheless..

So how can you approach an emotion intellectually!? Because try as I might (and I really don’t try that hard) I just can’t..

I believe that God gave us love to be enjoyed not to shy away from and be scared of!!

I understand that we should be careful about giving our hearts away and that we should get to know someone.. but there’s no sense in denying what you feel!

If you like a person.. you can’t change that so you may as well live in the moments with them and be happy that you have someone to spend a little time with while you’re still able to instead of closing off your heart because you’re afraid of “moving too fast” or some other crap..

I know.. men and women think differently.. but love is a human emotion.. and I feel like we should all feel free to express and enjoy it freely.. I know I will

What do you think!? Can you love “smartly”?! That doesn’t even sound right!

What About Love?

Posted in IMO, Love Actually.. with tags , , , , , , on 02/18/2010 by emellewriter

Speaking of love in the romantic sense…

Love is choice.. it is not requirement for life.. it is a choice that we make to share ourselves with another special person and take the risk that they may or may not return that love.. when we choose to love another person we are willing to give more than hugs, kisses, sex and hallmark cards..

When we choose love we are giving someone else a part of ourselves.. we are allowing them to hold on to a portion of our hearts to take care of.. that is why love is such a risk

A part of that risk is knowing that love does not always come in the package that we hoped for.. we can not control the people that we begin to like, let alone love.. the only thing we can do is choose whether or not we will embrace and act on those feelings..

Just as we cannot control who we “fall” for, we cannot control whether or not that person will feel the same or act on those feelings if they do.. And that is part of why love is scary..

But why not take the risk?! What would life be like without love?! Love is to me like a gateway drug.. it leads to other emotions.. whether they be negative or positive.. one must live by feeling..

I asked my followers for their thoughts on Love.. the most powerful response:

Love is no more powerful than any other emotion, it’s our reaction that determines whether we rise or fall. Rising in love is one of the greatest things known to man. It allows for the expansion of the human capability. There’s a certain feeling of invinsibility when one is rising in love.
-Krate Digga

I believe that life would not be able to be endured without love (of any form) and having a romantic kind of love just sweetens the pot..

What do you think about LOVE?!