Archive for God

Reality Check

Posted in Girl Bye.., Uncategorized with tags , , , , , on 07/04/2014 by emellewriter

Yesterday, I had made a decision that I was going to go home (I’m currently out of town) and let a certain someone know what time it was. I had made up in my mind what I wanted and how and he was going to have to get with it or keep it moving …


And then I read this post by Jewel at her blog: A Perfect Fit


reality check


So here’s some background … I have known Jewel since I was a young, heartbroken and determined college student. God brought her into my life just as I was healing from a terrible situation and seeking God. She isn’t a perfect person but a woman that loves the Lord and has an open and bright heart. I share this because I want anyone reading to understand that I don’t read her blogs for the sake of reading, but because I know her heart is in the words…


So the post that I just read was in short about single women who are dating: knowing our worth and that we are good enough. Please read the entire blog whether you’re single or taken, man or woman. It was enlightening.


In it, she talks about many of the same things I have spoken about (on this blog and in other realms) and things that I am currently going through. One particular paragraph really hit home for me:


If a guy tells you he’s not looking for anything serious-He’s NOT looking for anything serious. I don’t care how pretty you are, how seductive you are-listen to him. He’s not ready.


How many times have I said this myself? A million! I’ve posted it on FB and twitter and said it to my friends but it wasn’t until I read these sentences (in the context of the entire post) that it finally hit me. The exact thing that I had been warning other people about, is the same exact thing I was getting ready to go and do! I wanted to tell a man that has told me more than once that he isn’t ready that he should be ready because I want something from him that he is unwilling or unable to give. Nevermind the fact that I already know that I won’t get it. It’s just the rebel in me wanting to “take a chance.” As I was reading Jewel’s post and reflecting on my own thoughts about this particular man, I heard me telling myself :




I had to take the largest of chill pills and tell myself: Girl, that man don’t wantchu! (lol, that’s what I said).


See, the thing is, I have held on to feelings for this person for quite some time. And, instead of just letting them go, I allowed myself to fall deeper into them by giving away my time and energy which only made things worse. The more time, the more frivolous PDA, the more … whatever that we give each other, the harder it is to distinguish between what’s been said and what’s been shown. Because what I see and what I hear are two different things but I learned a long time ago that men will usually be very verbally clear even if the actions they show you contradict that.


We try to be everything we think the man wants. We act cool, not too needy. We act like we’re just “hanging and having fun.” We put on a front not to scare them away. I will tell you this-once you get married all those things you hid will come to light. You tried putting your best foot forward by hiding things but it’ll come out sooner or later. So why not, just be intentional in dating? Forget “just having fun”, women are delicate! We can’t play “the game” like men. God created us to love, and nurture and have hearts. We love strong! And you weren’t designed to do that for every man you meet nor were you created to have your heart broken over and over again. Really no one is.


I have come to realize (the hard way) that I’m not a “kick-it girl”. I am a “move into your heart” type of woman. I am not pleased by the causal  nature of  many dating situations. I’m not okay with the “having fun” when in the back of my mind I know I want something more. I have known this for a long time, this is what I did.


So I quit dating. I quit selling myself for close to nothing. God had bought me for a price-and I was going to start charging! Every cute guy with a good line was NOT going to be able to “get to know me.” If God created ONE man for ONE woman, then he had to be special.


I “quit” dating probably about 2 years ago. In fact, when I told this to one of my good male friends and he asked why – my reply was that I had to be focused on other things like school. His reply was “once you graduate, then what will your excuse be?” At the time I rolled my eyes and explained to him that I wouldn’t find excuses, but when the time was right it would be right. Fast forward and I realize that he was right, however, it wasn’t excuses that I found, just better reasons.


I found that dating just wasn’t working for me the way I was going about it. I allowed too many people to have my number, my conversation, my time, my affection … So I stopped. I found the things that were holding me back and figured out what changes needed to be made: choosing celibacy, choosing to be more selective, giving time to people who really and truly care for my best interests and learning patience.


And it works. I still meet bozos here and there but it’s easier to weed them out.


delete delete delete


On the other hand, I have moments like the one I started the post about in the first place. Moments where I want to ignore what I know to be true and right for me and just do what feels good. Moments where I have to sit back and assess where my thoughts are coming from – my heart? my confused mind? the outside world? lust? And that is when God blesses me with things like Jewel’s post. Things that put into perspective all of the choices I have made to shield myself from the shallow and murky world of dating.


I know that there are God-loving men out here who are marriage-minded and that there is one made solely for me. And I know that when the time is right, he’ll come around and God will bless our union. And, in the meantime, I have to do ensure that I am making God choices, not Me choices.


For today, that meant realizing that no matter what feelings I have for the gentleman I previously spoke of, those feelings would be best left alone for now. He is not ready and truthfully, neither am I. That doesn’t mean that in the future we wouldn’t be right for each other but it certainly doesn’t mean that we will. We could both just as well be being prepared for two other wonderful people and our dealings could even be blocking that. I don’t know, just speculating. However, what I do know is that I can’t push any man to do or be anything I want him to be. That means that no matter how badly I would want to tell this guy that I want to be with him and he needs to get his life, it wouldn’t matter what I said. If he wanted to be with me, he would let it be known.


Sometimes we just need a reality check, whether from a friend or a stranger. My reality check stopped me from throwing my heart back into a place where I knew it might not be welcomed. It reminded me to be patient and to be dutiful in my growth as a Woman of God. All that other stuff will eventually come along and moments like these, they pass. I’m just grateful that Jewel saw fit to bring these words from her heart to her blog for women like me who need a little check every once in a while.


You can find her post here at A Perfect Fit. 




Specify Your Goals

Posted in m. lauren speaks with tags , , , , on 08/29/2011 by emellewriter

I just started doing a daily devotional using the Bible app on my phone. Today’s was about being specific in your goals… I thought I’d share:

Be Specific About Your Future

In order to get to where you want to be, you need to describe exactly what you want. For instance, Abraham told Eliezer exactly what kind of wife he wanted for Isaac. He told him to go back to the land of his relatives instead of picking Isaac’s wife from among the Canaanite women.

You will never reach a vague goal. The more general it is, the less power it has. But the more specific it is, the more power it has in your life.

Ask yourself these four questions: 1) What do I want to be? 2) What do I want to do? 3) What do I want to have? 4) Why do I want it?

You can’t just know the what, you need to know the why – that’s your motivation. If you don’t know why, you will give up when it gets tough.

When Eliezer heard Abraham’s goal, he started asking “What if?” If you listen to the what-ifs of your goal, you will fail because of worry and fear.

You don’t need to focus on the how for now because, once you figure out the why, God will show you how. He will help you solve the problems that stand in the way of your goal.

Reading: Gen 24: 3-4

This was just in time for me… not only confirming but reassuring… Hope it is for you as well

Practice Love

Posted in Love Actually.., m. lauren speaks, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on 04/27/2010 by emellewriter

Love is like any other great accomplishment in life.. it takes hard work, effort and yes.. practice..

Just like Lebron James (#GoCavs) practices daily to improve his game.. we must practice love..

I know you’ve heard the new person in your life tell you that you remind them of their ex haven’t you?! And I am sure that you’ve had one or two that reminded you of an ex..

We all have some “type” of person that we are attracted to.. and we like to tell our friends when we meet someone “nuh-uh girl.. he aint e’en my type.. next!” like we created this type in our minds.. I choose to believe something a bit different..

Since I believe that God has blessed us (not all of us, because some of us are meant to be single) with one other person to spend our lives with.. I know for a fact that He wouldn’t just send us out into the world to be waiting, preparing and searching for that person blindly! With that said.. I believe that your “type” is made up of all those little qualities that your future mate possesses and while we are out dating and meeting people, we come to learn what traits those are..


So.. when we meet ex-boyfriend 1 that we thought we were madly in love with and ex-boyfriend 2 that we swore we were going to marry.. THEN we meet potential-boyfriend-and-life-mate 3 and he reminds us of both 1 and 2.. perhaps that is Gods way of letting you know that you are getting closer to what He has for you..

It is inevitable to to choose mates based on what you are attracted to.. of course they will remind you of exes!

The problem is when we try to run from our exes by not dating anyone who is even remotely like him/her, avoiding a new person that displays traits from the last, etc.

Dating is practice.. you learn what you do and do not like, what kind of person you are in relationships, what you want for yourself from a relationship, etc.

Running from someone you are naturally attracted to is like Tiger Woods trying to play football.. #stayinyourlane..

So.. how about this instead?!

Understand that you are choosing based on what you are supposed to be attracted to.. that each person you date is preparing you for your future husband/wife.. the exes allow you to see the good and bad, the likes and dislikes and then be prepared to deal with them and love the “soulmate” fully, flaws and all..

Every guy that I date reminds me somehow of someone that I dated before.. but I feel that each time I upgrade and it’s becoming easier for me to see how I will deal with my husband when he comes along..

Love is not a game of sport.. but it does take practice.. we have to see the good and bad faces of our exes in order to be appreciative of all parts of our future lifemates..

So.. don’t discount the next person that comes along who reminds you of that skeezy ex who broke your heart 2 years ago.. that skeez may have just taught you more about this new guy/girl that you would ever know..

So embrace whatever it is that you find and allow the next person to prove themselves but if they turn out crazy.. that’s on you!


m. lauren

A Few Chances

Posted in IMO, Let Me Explain, m. lauren speaks, The Way I See It with tags , , , , , , , , on 11/09/2009 by emellewriter

soul_mate_sThe other night, I was out with a new friend.. and he said “I believe you only get a couple of chances at love in a lifetime”.. wow

And I wondered.. is that true?!

I believe in the possibility of soul mates.. that there is one person who is created just for you to love and be loved by, and be with for as long as allowed.. but I don’t believe that you can only love that person..

It is in our nature to love others, we were created with emotions that dictate feelings of affection towards other people, some that are deeper than others.. it makes absolute sense that we could love or be in love with someone other than the intended soul mate..

True Love is an art form.. I learned this courtesy of Jesus.. it is unconditional.. it sounds so easy.. but it’s not.. true love means that you love someone NO MATTER what they ever have done or will ever do to or for you.. this love is not based on the person, but on love.. straight from the heart..

I imagine myself to have loved and been in love a time or 3.. until I discovered what true love is.. and then realized that I was infatuated, in lust, or plain crazy.. I may have been head over heels but I was not in love.. howeverI know deep down inside that I will meet my soul mate and truly be in love with him..

So there must be some kind of “accidental love forgiveness”.. there is no way that we could love more than one person if those deep feelings of whatever you believed to have been love weren’t able to be washed away..

I believe you’ll love a person forever, but God allows your heart, mind and soul to heal up enough to regain most of what you’d given away mistakenly so that you could give it to the person that it was meant for..

There is of course the factor that you may not have loved in the first place.. you would have still given away much of yourself to a person with the belief of love.. and again, that would need to be replenished..

So.. maybe we are allowed to replenish a couple of times..

Or a possibility that makes even more sense, we don’t truly love someone until we are with the one meant for us.. and all that other stuff is a case of mistaken love identity.. and practice..

The fact still remains that whether it is love, lust or infatuation.. you are still giving away pieces of yourself to someone who may not be deserving of it.. and I am not just talking sexually.. I am talking about mentally, spiritually, physically and financially..

To me, it is more important to discern whether or not you should be giving anything to the person you are with.. figuring out if this is the one, soul mate, future husband, etc. or if they will just be another notch in your love belt..

That is the hardest part.. because one may never know until it’s over.. my only advice is caution..

And to my new friend.. I must say 1. thank you for giving me something to think about deeper than what appetizer to order and 2. maybe you are right.. and even if you are not.. here’s to finding out..


m. lauren

Regular SBF


Posted in I'm Just Sayin, Im Grown, IMO, m. lauren speaks, MMM.. Now That's Sexy, The Way I See It with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on 09/11/2009 by emellewriter

I want ya’ll to know.. I can relate ANYTHING.. to love, sex, relationships and being single.. now:

I watched this video from Drama Dupree talking about Atlanta Pride last week.. So I decided to share my feelings on “homosexuality”

They are simply: DO YOU!!

I do not consider myself to be hetero- or homo- sexual.. I am just sexual..

I have never dated, had sex with or even kissed another girl.. however I have no problem with people who do.. much the same.. I dont have a problem with gay men.. now I will admit that seeing two men caressing each other throws me off.. but.. please.. if they are happy.. LET THEM BE!!

I say that I am just -sexual.. because that is what I feel I am.. I love men.. and am attracted to men and date men.. have sex w/ men.. you get it..

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