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Reality Check

Posted in Girl Bye.., Uncategorized with tags , , , , , on 07/04/2014 by emellewriter

Yesterday, I had made a decision that I was going to go home (I’m currently out of town) and let a certain someone know what time it was. I had made up in my mind what I wanted and how and he was going to have to get with it or keep it moving …

 

And then I read this post by Jewel at her blog: A Perfect Fit

 

reality check

 

So here’s some background … I have known Jewel since I was a young, heartbroken and determined college student. God brought her into my life just as I was healing from a terrible situation and seeking God. She isn’t a perfect person but a woman that loves the Lord and has an open and bright heart. I share this because I want anyone reading to understand that I don’t read her blogs for the sake of reading, but because I know her heart is in the words…

 

So the post that I just read was in short about single women who are dating: knowing our worth and that we are good enough. Please read the entire blog whether you’re single or taken, man or woman. It was enlightening.

 

In it, she talks about many of the same things I have spoken about (on this blog and in other realms) and things that I am currently going through. One particular paragraph really hit home for me:

 

If a guy tells you he’s not looking for anything serious-He’s NOT looking for anything serious. I don’t care how pretty you are, how seductive you are-listen to him. He’s not ready.

 

How many times have I said this myself? A million! I’ve posted it on FB and twitter and said it to my friends but it wasn’t until I read these sentences (in the context of the entire post) that it finally hit me. The exact thing that I had been warning other people about, is the same exact thing I was getting ready to go and do! I wanted to tell a man that has told me more than once that he isn’t ready that he should be ready because I want something from him that he is unwilling or unable to give. Nevermind the fact that I already know that I won’t get it. It’s just the rebel in me wanting to “take a chance.” As I was reading Jewel’s post and reflecting on my own thoughts about this particular man, I heard me telling myself :

 

nene-girl-bye

 

I had to take the largest of chill pills and tell myself: Girl, that man don’t wantchu! (lol, that’s what I said).

 

See, the thing is, I have held on to feelings for this person for quite some time. And, instead of just letting them go, I allowed myself to fall deeper into them by giving away my time and energy which only made things worse. The more time, the more frivolous PDA, the more … whatever that we give each other, the harder it is to distinguish between what’s been said and what’s been shown. Because what I see and what I hear are two different things but I learned a long time ago that men will usually be very verbally clear even if the actions they show you contradict that.

 

We try to be everything we think the man wants. We act cool, not too needy. We act like we’re just “hanging and having fun.” We put on a front not to scare them away. I will tell you this-once you get married all those things you hid will come to light. You tried putting your best foot forward by hiding things but it’ll come out sooner or later. So why not, just be intentional in dating? Forget “just having fun”, women are delicate! We can’t play “the game” like men. God created us to love, and nurture and have hearts. We love strong! And you weren’t designed to do that for every man you meet nor were you created to have your heart broken over and over again. Really no one is.

 

I have come to realize (the hard way) that I’m not a “kick-it girl”. I am a “move into your heart” type of woman. I am not pleased by the causal  nature of  many dating situations. I’m not okay with the “having fun” when in the back of my mind I know I want something more. I have known this for a long time, this is what I did.

 

So I quit dating. I quit selling myself for close to nothing. God had bought me for a price-and I was going to start charging! Every cute guy with a good line was NOT going to be able to “get to know me.” If God created ONE man for ONE woman, then he had to be special.

 

I “quit” dating probably about 2 years ago. In fact, when I told this to one of my good male friends and he asked why – my reply was that I had to be focused on other things like school. His reply was “once you graduate, then what will your excuse be?” At the time I rolled my eyes and explained to him that I wouldn’t find excuses, but when the time was right it would be right. Fast forward and I realize that he was right, however, it wasn’t excuses that I found, just better reasons.

 

I found that dating just wasn’t working for me the way I was going about it. I allowed too many people to have my number, my conversation, my time, my affection … So I stopped. I found the things that were holding me back and figured out what changes needed to be made: choosing celibacy, choosing to be more selective, giving time to people who really and truly care for my best interests and learning patience.

 

And it works. I still meet bozos here and there but it’s easier to weed them out.

 

delete delete delete

 

On the other hand, I have moments like the one I started the post about in the first place. Moments where I want to ignore what I know to be true and right for me and just do what feels good. Moments where I have to sit back and assess where my thoughts are coming from – my heart? my confused mind? the outside world? lust? And that is when God blesses me with things like Jewel’s post. Things that put into perspective all of the choices I have made to shield myself from the shallow and murky world of dating.

 

I know that there are God-loving men out here who are marriage-minded and that there is one made solely for me. And I know that when the time is right, he’ll come around and God will bless our union. And, in the meantime, I have to do ensure that I am making God choices, not Me choices.

 

For today, that meant realizing that no matter what feelings I have for the gentleman I previously spoke of, those feelings would be best left alone for now. He is not ready and truthfully, neither am I. That doesn’t mean that in the future we wouldn’t be right for each other but it certainly doesn’t mean that we will. We could both just as well be being prepared for two other wonderful people and our dealings could even be blocking that. I don’t know, just speculating. However, what I do know is that I can’t push any man to do or be anything I want him to be. That means that no matter how badly I would want to tell this guy that I want to be with him and he needs to get his life, it wouldn’t matter what I said. If he wanted to be with me, he would let it be known.

 

Sometimes we just need a reality check, whether from a friend or a stranger. My reality check stopped me from throwing my heart back into a place where I knew it might not be welcomed. It reminded me to be patient and to be dutiful in my growth as a Woman of God. All that other stuff will eventually come along and moments like these, they pass. I’m just grateful that Jewel saw fit to bring these words from her heart to her blog for women like me who need a little check every once in a while.

 

You can find her post here at A Perfect Fit. 

 

 

Black Love

Posted in Uncategorized on 06/03/2014 by emellewriter

I wrote this awhile ago… enjoy loves!

Image

One Last Statement On Black Love

I love your brown skin

Next to mine

I love your thick hair

Coiled into locs

I love your dark eyes

Piercing, peering into mine

I love your strong back

Lifting, toiling, working overtime

I love your deep voice

Drilling into my senses

I love your deep thoughts

Driving into my soul

I love your style

Your gait

Your lips

I love your raised fist

Your head high

Your unapologetic blackness

I love your … everything

brown brother to my soul

lover to my heart

this is for you

 

It Has Been Years… I know

Posted in Uncategorized on 06/03/2014 by emellewriter

I haven’t used this blog in a very long time and although I didn’t miss it.. I found some old articles and writing that reminded me of how far I have come since I started writing in the 4th grade…

 

I bought a domain about a year ago to premier two projects I am working on and I want to use that new site for all of my writing… but I haven’t had the site built yet because in my head.. I got nothin!

 

In the meantime… I will check in here from time to time and look for new followers, admirers and lovers…

 

Just know this… things have changed drastically in my life (as they should have) so some of my content and context has changed… but not all… you’ll enjoy it anyway if you read it 😉

 

 

Here YOU Go….

Posted in SMH at your leisure, Uncategorized, WITF?! with tags , , , , , , , on 08/16/2010 by emellewriter

Lloyd Banks’ little brother is at it again.. rappin and soundin a fool! He needs to stick to stickin and sdfu!! I know Im not the only person tired of hearing Brian Pumper make his foray into rap stardom via Youtube and WSHH..

I wish 50 Cent would go ahead and sign him so he can get silenced like the rest of G-Unit and we can go back to our merry little lives.. Pumper-free!!!

Anywho.. get into this little diddy about a “porno nigga” who just can’t live b/c he is constantly mobbed o_O by fans who want tips on entering the porn biz and other nonsense.. while Pinky shakes her two piece and a biscuit (thanks Fresh ;)..

Check the vid after the jump as it is NSFW (or home).. and ask yourself the same thing I asked myself.. “Why the hell is Pinky shaped like a midget?”

Continue reading

I Been A Bad Girl

Posted in If You Like It I Love It, luv music, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , on 04/29/2010 by emellewriter

What makes my day!? Youtube.. Whats even better!?

KHIA ON YOUTUBE..

So.. someone brought my latest acid trip to life and created Khia’s video for ‘Been A Bad Girl’ and I couldn’t be more pleased!! Where else can you find a kalediscoped clown in a church hat?! Only Khia…

Also.. Rasheeda, Toya bey-beh, Kandi, Diamond, Lola Monroe and some sort of eye weapon would like to make your beds rock… and well.. I feel like you should go ahead and jump into the satin sheets with them..

there is a little bit of biting, a little bit of random eye accessory, a little bit of candy.. some tacky lingerie and some pretty unsexy dancing & eye squints.. but I mean.. these are the first ladies of the south o_O umm-huh

Get into the ‘Bedrock Remix’…………. personally.. I’d rather get all up in rainbow brites eyelashes and be a bad girl to the tune of Khia… but…… that’s just me

Throwback // What The Hell Is That Name?!

Posted in DAMN SON!, I Lol'd On Your Ass!, Say What Now?!, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , on 04/28/2010 by emellewriter

||I was looking over my old blog and ran across this rant/confusion.. it made me laugh again and I thought I would share it||

Every Sunday.. Monday.. Tuesday.. pretty much every Winter day.. my television gets turned to a broadcast of some game… Football.. Basketball.. and every time.. I find myself paying more attention to the players.. how cute they are… tight tights… sexy tatts.. than the game itself.. wait how did we just score 29 points??!?! Ohhh.. because I didn’t realize Boobie Gibson was just soooo cute until now.. sorry Lebron..

And that brings me to the topic at hand.. I am always mesmerized by the names of these athletes.. and not just the black ones.. They have some of the most unique.. made up.. straight ghetto names ever.. and I always wonder.. Whose worse!?!? NFL or NBA?!?! I mean… when your child is born and you decide that LaSalle is a good name for a little boy.. (or any child) are you thinking… He’s gonna be famous one day so Ima name him something made up.. or are you just ghetto!?!?!

So.. I have compiled a list.. to compare

NFL:

Aundrae Allison.. 84 of Minnesota Vikings.. this name isn’t ghetto.. it’s just that I continually see people making up spellings of names.. and had to point this one out.. he and Andra Davis’ mom must have been to lazy to think of anything different so they pulled some letters together and created these spellings

Baraka Atkins.. 91 of Seattle Seahawks.. because why!?!?!? ||editors note.. he sorta kinda gets a pass for being sorta kinda named like Barack Obama.. sorta kinda||

Travarous Bain.. of Jacksonville Jaguars.. because after 3 tries.. I still dont’ think I pronounced this right.. am wondering if he can.. and how long did it take him to learn how to spell this!?!?!

Kentwan Balmer.. 96 of San Fran 49ers.. adding ‘wan to the end of a mans name is like adding la’, sha’, da’ or ka’ to the beginning of a females name.. and so not okay..

DeCori Birmingham.. of Carolina Panthers.. obviously took a page out of Kentwan’s mama’s book by adding de’ to the beginning.. this don’t even sound like a man’s name.. how much you wanna bet all his siblings names are DeSean, DeJuan, DeCota and DeKNY

Anquan Boldin.. 81 of Arizona Cardinals.. I dont EVEN know.. and this is only the B’s… lets jump ahead shall we?

D’Qwell Jackson.. 52 of CLEVELAND BROWNS.. how many 13-18 year old mothers are naming their children after this man!??! D’Qwell!?!? this sounds like a throat problem.. I gotta D’Qwell on my tonsils and I can’t talk.. or some kinda tropical fish: *Steve Irwin* the D’Qwell swims alone.. searching for it’s prey with the agility of a Jaguar..

Mil’Von James.. 42 of CLEVELAND BROWNS.. we must get all the ghettboots (as my mom would say).. how much you wanna bet he’s from Mississippi and came out Class of 1822?!? sadface.. I lost the bet.. he is 23

This one takes the cake Herana-Daze Jones.. 43 of Denver Broncos.. let me just guess.. His daddy told his bm.. “I ain’t sleep wit dat nurse.. I jus hadder inna daze” and she named him that.. I don’t think I can go any further..

NBA:
Carmelo Anthony.. 15 of Denver Nuggets.. Come on now.. carmelo is a candy bar..

Maceo Baston.. 9 of Indiana Pacers.. I just don’t understand the phenom behind this name.. if more than one person shares this name (which I know for a fact is true because I went to school with one..) then it is in fact a phenomenom.. and a problem

Rasual Butler.. 45 of New Orleans Hornets.. does your name rhyme with Casual!??!

Daequan Cook.. 14 of Miami Heat.. Uhhhh.. reference Kentwan Butler

Udonis Haslem.. 40 of Miami Heat.. Is this a misspelling of Adonis!??! The Greek god of all things Male and Sexy!?!? Or something your mother made up before her epidural wore off!?!?

Othello Hunter.. 50 of Atlanta Hawks.. I can get with the reference to Shakes.. I really can’t even hate on this… unless of course the person who named you is not well-versed in Othello?!? Do you perhaps have a brother Romeo!?! A sister Tempest!?!?

Royal Ivey.. 12 of Philadelphia 76ers.. Why do black people insist on naming their children.. Royal.. King.. Prince.. Princess.. Sir so and so..!?!

Tayshaun Prince.. 22 of Detroit Pistons.. Again.. with the Tay’s.. Dae’s.. La’s.. Sha’s.. Couldn’t Shaun have sufficed ma?!?!

I digress here… but give honorable mention to LeBron James … because what the hell is a LeBron?!?!

I think the NFL wins this one..

Practice Love

Posted in Love Actually.., m. lauren speaks, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on 04/27/2010 by emellewriter


Love is like any other great accomplishment in life.. it takes hard work, effort and yes.. practice..

Just like Lebron James (#GoCavs) practices daily to improve his game.. we must practice love..

I know you’ve heard the new person in your life tell you that you remind them of their ex haven’t you?! And I am sure that you’ve had one or two that reminded you of an ex..

We all have some “type” of person that we are attracted to.. and we like to tell our friends when we meet someone “nuh-uh girl.. he aint e’en my type.. next!” like we created this type in our minds.. I choose to believe something a bit different..

Since I believe that God has blessed us (not all of us, because some of us are meant to be single) with one other person to spend our lives with.. I know for a fact that He wouldn’t just send us out into the world to be waiting, preparing and searching for that person blindly! With that said.. I believe that your “type” is made up of all those little qualities that your future mate possesses and while we are out dating and meeting people, we come to learn what traits those are..

Following?!

So.. when we meet ex-boyfriend 1 that we thought we were madly in love with and ex-boyfriend 2 that we swore we were going to marry.. THEN we meet potential-boyfriend-and-life-mate 3 and he reminds us of both 1 and 2.. perhaps that is Gods way of letting you know that you are getting closer to what He has for you..

It is inevitable to to choose mates based on what you are attracted to.. of course they will remind you of exes!

The problem is when we try to run from our exes by not dating anyone who is even remotely like him/her, avoiding a new person that displays traits from the last, etc.

Dating is practice.. you learn what you do and do not like, what kind of person you are in relationships, what you want for yourself from a relationship, etc.

Running from someone you are naturally attracted to is like Tiger Woods trying to play football.. #stayinyourlane..

So.. how about this instead?!

Understand that you are choosing based on what you are supposed to be attracted to.. that each person you date is preparing you for your future husband/wife.. the exes allow you to see the good and bad, the likes and dislikes and then be prepared to deal with them and love the “soulmate” fully, flaws and all..

Every guy that I date reminds me somehow of someone that I dated before.. but I feel that each time I upgrade and it’s becoming easier for me to see how I will deal with my husband when he comes along..

Love is not a game of sport.. but it does take practice.. we have to see the good and bad faces of our exes in order to be appreciative of all parts of our future lifemates..

So.. don’t discount the next person that comes along who reminds you of that skeezy ex who broke your heart 2 years ago.. that skeez may have just taught you more about this new guy/girl that you would ever know..

So embrace whatever it is that you find and allow the next person to prove themselves but if they turn out crazy.. that’s on you!

xoxo,

m. lauren