Archive for the The Way I See It Category

Cinderella aint shhhhhh..

Posted in Love Actually.., The Way I See It with tags , , , , on 09/26/2011 by emellewriter

I have often felt saddened by the realization that I’d fit so well into a man’s life that it’s like we’re best friends but we don’t feel those strong romantic tugs at our hearts for each other.

Then right now.. I had an epiphany, that is the problem! That notion that I have to feel some strong romantic tug telling me that I am head over heels for someone.

I had that before and that negro ended up being a crazy sonofapossiblecrackhead..

Perhaps, what I need is that man that makes me feel good telling him anything, who makes me laugh, who makes me want to play.. even if I don’t feel earth shattering love feelings for him.. something that is easy and easy to handle..

Maybe I’ve been looking too hard.. and not only that.. too hard for the wrong things..

I’ve got a good thing going and I almost ruined it with silly notions like those.. maybe it’s time to let go of the Cinderella fantasy and truly follow my heart.. because right now I think it’s pointing in the right direction…

Who said love had to feel like a Hans Christian Andersen story!??

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It’s Been A Long Time

Posted in m. lauren speaks, Single and Loving It, The Way I See It with tags , , , on 06/25/2010 by emellewriter

Hey Love Bugs!!! m. lauren has missed you all!! I’ve been busy working and getting into grad school (whoop) and living my fabulous life chock full of fabulousness o_O

So…… I know ya’ll didn’t think I was gonna get on here and write about how long its been since I’ve posted!?!?

NO!! It really has been a “long time” *wink wink nudge nudge* ya’ll know what I mean*

So listen.. I decided a few weeks back to be celibate.. and well.. I haven’t had the urge at all.. and I guess that makes the decision weirder but I just think its natural to have the urge so.. where is mine!?!?

I think it’s mad weird.. so I googled it and………… well all I got was a bunch of religious stuff and gave up on Google page 2…

Anywho..

I guess my reason for celibacy is more important that the absence of “the urge” (I don’t know any sfw synonyms ok?)

WHY I AM CELIBATE:

So.. I have always had an issue with “taking it slow” and giving in to my feelings.. so I decided that I would leave the physical 100% out of the equation until I found someone that I felt I could be with totally.. minus the physical..

I would much rather get to know a person and fall in love with who they are than how they put it down..

That’s pretty much it..

Just thought I’d share..

What about you guys?!?! Anyone out there practicing celibacy!?!? (And I know which one of yall are hoes so don’t get ta lyin!)

xoxo,

m lauren

Successful and Single and WHO CARES?!

Posted in Are You Serious?!, Sigh Life, The Way I See It with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on 04/23/2010 by emellewriter

Man.. I am SO far gone #NoDrake over these regular people relationship “experts” and “gurus” talking about why successful black women don’t have men..

WHO CARES!? Why is it so concerning to everyone why we’re unmarried and single!?! I mean.. consider this..

“I am happy being single”

Sheesh.. Some of us are happy building up ourselves and becoming excellent women on our own so that we can be excellent wives one day..

And some of us have no desire to be in relationships at all and may plan to be unmarried..

I don’t understand why it is anyone elses concern why we’re single and why there is so much speculation..

Men are intimidated by us.. so what?! People in general are intimidated by success and strength but it doesn’t stop us from having good family and friends.. so.. what you sayin!?

We’re too independent for our own good.. sigh! I’ll be the first to say that I’m not.. but what’s wrong with holding down the fort while you can or have to!? Now.. when a man comes into the picture.. as long as we let him be a man.. whats the problem!?

All I have to say about it is this: blah blah blah..

I consider myself to be a moderately successful black woman.. having matriculated from a well respected university and having been able to find a decent job prior to returning for my Masters.. and some other cool stuff..

I have also been successful in building relationships with friends and family and being great in general (mm hm)..

BUT..

I don’t consider myself a full grown woman.. I am a growing up.. I am still figuring out how to make dentist appointments and save money for the future..

I am preparing myself for adulthood & learning about life which also means I am preparing myself for my future husband..

In the past I have moved into “relationships” just because I was lonely or bored or just wanted someone around.. but I realized that I wasn’t finding anything that meant anything.. so I gave up to focus on myself..

Along the way I was able to make friends who can offer more than just a good night time and a couple late night phone calls…

All that to say.. I realized that I was not ready for a relationship and that is why I am single..

Does that have anything with being a successful black woman!? No.. thats all about being self-aware and honest..

So.. relationship “experts” can bite me.. why don’t they discuss something else..

Other things I don’t want to hear anymore about:

Why Successful Black Men Choose White Women — they feel like it
Why Men Cheat — they feel like it

All these grappling relationship issues boil down to what I just said..

Because you felt like it.. so.. do you and love life
xoxo,

m. lauren

You Knew It Was Comin…

Posted in If You Like It I Love It, KNOCK IT OUT THE PARK, m. lauren speaks, m.l. shrug, The Way I See It, What Is The Big Deal!? with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on 02/14/2010 by emellewriter

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY..

Yes.. I had to do a Valentines post.. this is a RELATIONSHIP blog after all!!

So.. let me keep it short and sweet for you mofos that got ish to do w/ your lovers and such..

Some Advice:

To Lovers — Valentines Day is all cute and whatnot because you can do some extra special ish.. your girl is probably buggin you because she thinks that it just has to be celebrated.. Well.. how about this.. do something really nice if you want to.. but don’t be forced into the Hallmark Hoopla just because you have an S.O. do it because you genuinely want to show that you care..

If you are normally a sweet person who does things Vday-esque on a regular basis.. then do something way out there (maybe you live in sunny Cali and can take him/her on a hot air balloon ride!?)

If you are not the type to show your love on regular days.. #slapyourself.. then don’t go overboard.. do something really thoughtful (her favorite flowers instead of roses perhaps is always a winner) then.. do something even sweeter a couple of weeks later.. it will read better..

If you hate Valentines day and your S.O. is a Hallmark Hoochie.. then placate them some.. go to dinner and hold hands.. but explain how you feel about it and come to a compromise..

Lastly.. and most importantly.. if you are in a relationship.. Vday and other lovers holidays are not times to act out of character.. be who you are.. treat your S.O. good on regular days and fellas: I will reiterate what so many have tried to get you to understand.. we know you love us.. but we want you to say it.. we want you to show it and you have to be sincere

To Us Single Folk — Let’s not cue the Beyonce YouTubes.. Valentines Day is not a day to mope around and act all salty because you don’t have a man/woman.. you didn’t have one yesterday.. and you probably won’t have one tomorrow.. so dust off the salt boo! Vday is a visual celebration of love.. so celebrate with those you love.. yourself, family, best friends.. whoever.. but why wallow in sorrow over one day of singledom like you haven’t been single for the past year!? Come on.. that doesn’t make sense.. there is no point in being bitter about it either..

Thank God that you aren’t stuck in that shitty, excuse my English, relationship with that no-good jawn and keep it movin!!

Thank God that you aren’t one of the many people who get abused by their partners everyday of the week and Vday aint no treat for them either!

Thank God that the S.O. who will give you what you want and need is on his/her way! Treat yourself to something nice and special.. but please.. don’t ruin it with your bitter tweets and facebook updates because you can’t handle your singledom like the rest of us!

To You Who Don’t Care — JOIN THE CLUB!!! Let’s go do something fun like.. take shots everytime we see a couple arguing today.. or throw popcorn in that movie “Valentines Day”.. or lay around and watch DVR’d Blackbuster flicks (oh.. that’s just me!?)

No matter what state of Vday-ness you are in.. it’s just a day!! Chill the eff out! Oh.. and if you plan on knockin it out the park tonight.. strap up.. especially if you are single and have lowered your standards in hopes of a Wal-Mart teddy bear and a sampler of Whitman’s Chocolates..

Guess who loves you!?

M LAUREN LOVES YOU!!!

Happy Valentines Day!!

All That Matters Is You

Posted in IMO, Love Actually.., m. lauren speaks, The Way I See It with tags , , , , , , , , on 01/22/2010 by emellewriter

Sometimes I write from personal experience.. other times I take from other people I know or know of and their experiences.. I put myself in their shoes..

Here is the scenario: two people who are into each other but are not “together” in the traditional sense of being boyfriend/girlfriend.. they are technically single but see each other on a mostly exclusive basis.. of course people would have plenty to say about this unconventional arrangement..

Here are “my” thoughts:

To Mystery Gentleman Caller:

It’s like this.. I really care for you.. but we’re not together in the traditional sense.. You’re the man in my life and I’m the woman in yours.. we do things together and apart and both have feelings for each other.  People keep wondering how or why I’d be involved with someone in this type of situation! It’s very simple actually.. I am secure. 

I know how you feel about me and you know how I feel about you.. there is no need to question it.  We are not in a relationship because we have things to do before dragging each other into each others lives so deeply.. Sure I want to be with you totally and am sure you feel the same.. but if you can’t give me 100% then I wont short change myself, especially when I know I can’t give you 100% either. 

The fact is, it’s not about what I want.. it’s about who I want!  I want you and I’ll take it how you give it to me just like you’re willing to take whatever I have to offer to you!

I don’t believe I am settling.  How could I be? I am single as far as definitions go and I can go be with anyone I want.  And even if we stopped dating (or whatever you want to call it) I could pick up the pieces much the same way I would if I was breaking up with  a boyfriend.. I’ve worried about getting hurt, but the fact is being in a relationship won’t prevent you from hurting me or vice versa. 

Time wasting is never an issue because I enjoy whatever time we have together.. I am not pining away waiting for you.. I am out enjoying my life and doing my thing the same way you are.. but I am stuck to you like glue.  There are parts of me that I will share only with you for the time being.. I won’t be naive so we’ll only speak on what I know for sure and leave it at that. 

Am I waiting for you? I guess you could say something like that.. If I ever decided I no longer wanted anything to do with you.. I’d just stop dating (or whatever you want to call it) you!  It’s pretty much that simple.. I can walk away if I ever feel the need to..

But today.. I am pleased, happy, comfortable.. You’re my companion, my friend, my much more than anyone could imagine.. Nothing matters but our feelings for each other.

A relationship is defined as “an emotional or other connection between people.” It is not defined as two people committed to titles or going steady (#throwback).. it’s an emotional connection.. When it comes to relationships.. it is the emotional bond that helps us to sustain.. not the titles & following the traditions of courting laid before us.. we make the connections work the best way we know how.. the thing that matters most when it comes to relationships is that the parties involved are happy with each other and the state their relationship is in.. if just having each other around is enough then so be it..

I have been faced with “titleing” a few times.. and the only thing that does is give you a possesive term to dish out when questions are asked.. I have no problem with giving or taking on titles.. but it is not necessary to define the type of relationship I am involved in.. if I say “we are dating” what I truly mean is “I really like him and he really likes me and we hang out and are possibly sexually involved but we haven’t made an exclusive commitment to each other”..

As long as I am happy and he is happy with whatever we are doing.. there is no need to question it..

The Virtual Love Connection

Posted in I Lol'd On Your Ass!, I'm Just Sayin, IMO, Oh.. He Could Get It, The Way I See It, Uncategorized, What Is The Big Deal!? with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on 12/04/2009 by emellewriter

I have heard this so many times: “Facebook is not EHarmony!” Well neither is the grocery store, church or the sleazy club that doesn’t sell a decent martini.. none of these places were formed so that people could meet possible S.O.s.. it just happened that way!

Any place that gets members of the opposite sex together is automatically a haven for match making.. yes that means the gas station, work and the restaurant with the good margaritas and the cute waiter..

If a public real-live place can be a cove of love connections, why can’t a social-networking site?! I’ve always thought of facebook like sitting in a classroom on the first day, a bunch of people who you don’t know can meet and get to know each other, except they are sitting in front of a computer rather than in front of you blocking your view of the chalkboard

Make the love connection:

1. You have direct connections to your peers – When I first got on facebook.. it was strictly for college students.. all the people who I befriended were people who I would eventually see on the Oval or at Catfish Biffs (OSU spots).. but being that I went to the largest school in the country.. it was impossible to get to know even half of these people.. facebook broke the ice for me and so many people.. there were automatic conversation starters online (oh, do you still live in the Towers?) and in person (hey, aren’t you my facebook friend?).. it was kind of like being at a networking event & seeing someone who you thought was cute..

2. Takes the pressure of face to face off – The first time I met someone in real life off of facebook, I already knew things about them because we’d messaged, exchanged im’s and eventually phone numbers.. meeting them offline was just a prereq to see if they were really cute, if they could hold their own in person and if they were as interesting as they appeared.. Once they came to the dorm.. or Marketplace or wherever we planned to meet.. the conversation flowed easily because we already had kind of met..

3. The ice is broken – I already mentioned this.. but I think it deserves its own point.. when you are a part of a social networking site, you are open to meeting all types of characters.. Plus your pictures and other information are posted.. so being found in a public place isn’t all that strange.. I have met so many people who I follow or they follow me on twitter.. or they are friends of mine of facebook.. it breaks the ice because it feels like you know this person in passing are just getting the opportunity to speak with them.. Plus you can talk about how crazy it is that you met them in real life and about how your kids are going to hell in a hand basket because they won’t have interpersonal skills

4. Ability to multi-task – multi-tasking in relationships is frowned down upon.. this is also known as cheating.. but when you are not in a relationship.. you are free to multi-task (date) as much as you want.. bein a part of a social network opens you up to meeting a bajillion people.. thus having the ability to date any one of them in real life who want to date you.. Now.. multi-tasking in the literal sense is also easy to do during social networking.. you can aim with your girlfriend, write a paper, talk on the phone, twitter your basketball buddies.. blah blah you get it.. the internet gives you the ability to negate undivided attention and spread it out without anyone being the wiser

5. Once you meet, you can tweet – The past.. oh I don’t know? 5 guys I met have asked me.. “do you have facebook or something?”.. When I meet people.. it’s dark or brief or something not conducive for getting to know you banter or seeing clearly.. so hopping on facebook after a couple of texts or a phone call will remind you what they looked like and give you some insight into what types of things they like.. and how stupid they may be (status messages).. everything from favorite movies to thier take on the war may appear on facebook.. you now have a *bonus mode of communication and informational gathering

I have to say.. I don’t have a problem with meeting people on social networking sites.. it happens.. there are only two types of people who I have a problem doing this

1. People who get on sites specifically to meet people .. it’s not a site for dating, it’s a site for networking.. love connections happen by chance

2. Creepy McCreepsters who get on sites like Myspace to meet young girls with ‘sexi pics’.. they should be on To Catch A Predator

Facebook, twitter, etc. are great places to make connections with people who you have a lot in common with.. sometimes love connections can be made.. be open to them.. Love does not have a time or meeting place assigned to it..

Get your eharm on..

m. lauren

World AIDS Day

Posted in m. lauren speaks, The Way I See It, Wham Bam No Thank You Ma'am with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on 12/01/2009 by emellewriter

Ladies and Gentlefolk.. it is World AIDS Day.. ..which means a lot of people will sport red ribbons.. talk about wrapping it up and spout the best conspiracy theories they can come up with..

Well how about this?

HIV and/or AIDS is not a one day thing.. it doesn’t go away.. people catch it and it sticks like Wendy’s hamburgers to a new employees hand.. Awareness I am all for.. but tomorrow will you still be twittering about the cure they won’t tell us about?! Or will you be back to using your 140 characters to discuss the newest episode of Heroes?

All I am saying is that awareness and prevention is not a one day thing..

Now.. Here are some random thoughts I have about World AIDS Day:

1. There is really a cure but they won’t tell us — well since mum is the word.. why thee hail are we so worried about it!? 4000 people yelling about this mystery cure hasn’t and will not get it out there.. so stop conspiracy theorising and throw some money to the people who are diligently researching and searching for a cure

2. The government injected us with HIV — since no one has proven this.. there is no reason to keep harping on it or any other conspiracy theories.. deal with what you can.. can you educate people and teach them about prevention!? Well do that instead of standing on the corner with pamphlets over your head screaming about your distrust for the government.. We all know they aint to be trusted..

3. Condoms are not the only answer — yes.. wrap it up.. it’s a cool catchphrase and a great way to prevent transmitting the cooties.. but c’mon.. we all know the only way you won’t get kids or cooties is by clamping those legs shut and keeping the dingdong inside the zipper.. But.. if you decide you just have to open up those limbs.. do so after you’ve been tested, spoke with your partner about testing and wrapped it up

4. Two condoms is not a good idea — there are some idiotas in the mundo.. but lawwwd the dumbest actually believe that wearing two condoms will prevent pregnancy, STDs and etc.. Now.. if you’re 14 years old.. I will give you a pass for having this dumbass notion.. but take your ass to Mr. Jameson’s health class and jack it until you have enough aptitude to understand the inner workings of your inner workings.. anyway.. at 14.. wtf can you do!? *this message brought to you by “a girl with a little brother”*.. two condoms create friction.. friction creates tearing.. tearing creates baby diapers & antiretrovirals.. IF YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT ANTIRETROVIRALS ARE.. LOOK IT UP

5. Testing is not fun but has to be done — getting a HIV test is usually painless.. they either swab you or take blood.. either way.. wouldn’t you rather have a bit of discomfort and anxiety while awaiting your test results than spend 3 days in the hospital after you tell *Charles that you gave him a gift he can’t get rid of?!

*okay.. so Charles is clearly made up

6. It ain’t nothin but a thang to ask — “hey baby, when’s the last time you got tested?” .. just blurt that ish out!! Who honestly can get mad at that?! You are inquiring about someone else’s well-being.. Just think how good it would feel to look into the eyes of your STD-negative partner in a moment of passion.. well.. ask questions then!

7. Liar, Liar.. Pants on fire — seriously.. Whoever made that up.. GENIUS.. If you have or have had an STD.. be honest about it.. especially if you are asked.. now.. if maybe you took some antibiotics and it’s gone away now.. you may keep that to yourself (if you choose).. but if you are still popping penicillin like its hot.. or burning up the sheets with your herpes infected.. ugh.. then SAY SOMETHING

I am not a philosophical character who wants to get on my blog and write beautiful prose about getting tested and wearing condoms.. I am a girl who is single who has sex and tells it like it is..

Protect yourself.. ask questions.. be honest.. use discretion.. don’t sleep with any old somebody walkin the streets.. be careful..

World AIDS Day