Archive for the Let Me Explain Category

Crazy Crazy CRAZY

Posted in Let Me Explain with tags , , , , on 09/06/2011 by emellewriter


If a dude doesn’t want you.. just give it up!! Whether it’s something wrong with you or something that has nothing to do with you.. accept it and keep it moving!!

Nothing is worse than a desperate female clinging to a fantasy of a man she’s created in her mind… He’s just not the one for you!! Rather than waste all your time trying to be stuck to someone that’s trying to shake you, spare yourself the drama and wait for the guy intended for your life..

And seriously.. nothing is uglier than interfering in his life when he has something better new going on.. Let him live..

When a man says he doesn’t want you.. he.does.not.want.YOU.. there’s nothing you can do to wear him down or convince him that he should be with you.. And if he’s met someone else, don’t be a jealous, spiteful heifer.. just leave it be..

And please don’t stalk, that’s just not cute!

I understand what it’s like to want someone to want you the way that you want them, but it’s pointless to keep trying when the other person is giving you zero effort.. whether he says it or gives you non-verbal cues, you need to pay attention and act accordingly..

I could go on and on but I don’t have the time or energy for crazy people….


A Few Chances

Posted in IMO, Let Me Explain, m. lauren speaks, The Way I See It with tags , , , , , , , , on 11/09/2009 by emellewriter

soul_mate_sThe other night, I was out with a new friend.. and he said “I believe you only get a couple of chances at love in a lifetime”.. wow

And I wondered.. is that true?!

I believe in the possibility of soul mates.. that there is one person who is created just for you to love and be loved by, and be with for as long as allowed.. but I don’t believe that you can only love that person..

It is in our nature to love others, we were created with emotions that dictate feelings of affection towards other people, some that are deeper than others.. it makes absolute sense that we could love or be in love with someone other than the intended soul mate..

True Love is an art form.. I learned this courtesy of Jesus.. it is unconditional.. it sounds so easy.. but it’s not.. true love means that you love someone NO MATTER what they ever have done or will ever do to or for you.. this love is not based on the person, but on love.. straight from the heart..

I imagine myself to have loved and been in love a time or 3.. until I discovered what true love is.. and then realized that I was infatuated, in lust, or plain crazy.. I may have been head over heels but I was not in love.. howeverI know deep down inside that I will meet my soul mate and truly be in love with him..

So there must be some kind of “accidental love forgiveness”.. there is no way that we could love more than one person if those deep feelings of whatever you believed to have been love weren’t able to be washed away..

I believe you’ll love a person forever, but God allows your heart, mind and soul to heal up enough to regain most of what you’d given away mistakenly so that you could give it to the person that it was meant for..

There is of course the factor that you may not have loved in the first place.. you would have still given away much of yourself to a person with the belief of love.. and again, that would need to be replenished..

So.. maybe we are allowed to replenish a couple of times..

Or a possibility that makes even more sense, we don’t truly love someone until we are with the one meant for us.. and all that other stuff is a case of mistaken love identity.. and practice..

The fact still remains that whether it is love, lust or infatuation.. you are still giving away pieces of yourself to someone who may not be deserving of it.. and I am not just talking sexually.. I am talking about mentally, spiritually, physically and financially..

To me, it is more important to discern whether or not you should be giving anything to the person you are with.. figuring out if this is the one, soul mate, future husband, etc. or if they will just be another notch in your love belt..

That is the hardest part.. because one may never know until it’s over.. my only advice is caution..

And to my new friend.. I must say 1. thank you for giving me something to think about deeper than what appetizer to order and 2. maybe you are right.. and even if you are not.. here’s to finding out..


m. lauren

Regular SBF

Guest Commentary // Black Gays Here To Stay

Posted in Guest Commentary, IMO, Let Me Explain, Love Actually.., m. lauren speaks, MMM.. Now That's Sexy with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on 10/02/2009 by emellewriter

I believe myself to be an open-minded and tolerant individual.. I would like to think that of all the traits God could’ve passed down through His holy DNA to me.. loving and compassionate would be the two that He gave me the most of.. I can get along with absolutely any person (if I need to).. and I try not to judge others until I have a reason to .. it is a wonder to me then, that there are so many people in the world unlike myself..

I cannot understand how so much hatred could live inside people.. people hate other PEOPLE for being a certain race, sexuality, sex, even having a certain accent.. RIDICULOUS!! What reason is there to hate a person.. a person who you dont even know!? Beats me..

If there is one thing I’ve learned in all my 22 years of life.. it is that love knows no bounds.. and it is better to love .. hate takes too much energy.. put a smile on your face honey child!

Now.. that being said.. a good friend of mine asked me if he could post a guest blog on And Looking?.. And I want to hear whatever you have to say.. so come with it..

Anywho.. Aaron Thomas.. my beautiful, huge-hearted and passionate friend told me that he wanted to let all ya’ll know something:

Black Gays been here and ain’t going NO WHERE!! .. so get used to it and get over your hate..

The following is a blog written by Aaron “my soulmate in the head” Thomas:

Yesterday, an email was circulated around my family with the subject line that read “fwd: Groom-Groom Wedding”. As the notification appeared on my screen, my heart fell into my stomach. Not because of what the images were, but the sideline comments that were guaranteed to follow. Sure enough, my inbox was flooded with a stream of hateful, devilishly ignorant opinions of two Black men who committed no crime other than holding a ceremony in honor of the bond, relationship and love that exists between them. Instead of arguing back and forth, I took the path that many Black gays and lesbians chose…I remained silent.

Today is October first which marks the beginning of the national month long celebration of the role that LGBT (Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender) individuals have played in modern American society. While many only see/accept the white male faces of the LGBT movement, the community is broad, diverse and as far reaching as the day is long and the winter is cold.

It is estimated that 1 in 10 individuals across the board are Gay, Lesbian or Bisexual…which means that 1 in 10 people in the Black community are Gay, Lesbian or Bisexual…but you would never know or rather, refuse to acknowledge.

As many people who are Black AND LGBT have been bred to understand, being accepted into the the Black community with open arms and an acceptable degree of humanistic compassion is like passing a kidney stone through your nipple, its damn near impossible. But the question is why?

Why are your brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, cousins relegated to a life of invisible existence, cold stares, tough talk and luke-warm embraces?

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Now.. You Could Get It

Posted in I'm Just Sayin, Im Grown, Let Me Explain, m. lauren speaks, MMM.. Now That's Sexy, Oh.. He Could Get It, The Sexier Side of Things, Whoo.. Chile! with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on 09/24/2009 by emellewriter

Today I was driving down one of the busiest streets in Columbus.. I look over to my left and what do I see?! A hat.. a Carolina blue cap actually.. turned to the SIDE.. not front or back.. THE SIDE!!.. Oh.. No..

And I said to myself.. would anyone actually find this douchey lookin dude … attractive?! I think it’s fair to say that someone would.. but not this SBF.. I mean.. his hat was to the side!

So.. what do I find attractive?!.. This list is going to be.. loooong.. and incomplete.. I see new attractive things everyday.. here goes

Skin— people think that I only like light-skinned guys.. that is so far from the truth.. I just happen to a. get approached by mostly LS guys or b. I see A LOT of attractive LS men.. I like a man with clear, even skin.. but the color doesn’t matter.. there are some dark skinned men (Idris) that could GET IT.. and some LS men (Michael Ealy) that could GET IT.. and being a brown girl myself.. I must say.. I like a “fresh out the oven” brown..
LSPEPS — Light skinned, Pretty eyes, Pretty smile.. while I am not partial to a LS man on the virtue of his lightness.. I am partial to one with a pretty smile and pretty eyes.. I love a man with nice teeth and a willing smile.. and eyes.. they don’t have to be green to be pretty.. pretty eyes can be the shape.. or long lashes.. or color.. but here’s a perfect example: Terrence Howard (I already said Michael ‘can I be your future baby mama’ Ealy)
Ruggedness — I like a man who looks like he’s used his hands before.. in a fight.. there is something sexy about a bad boy that wins the fight.. that little scar above your eye?! It gives character and makes me wonder ‘ooh what happened’.. now, Im not talking about some thug ass dude that wants to knock heads because his J’s got stepped on.. just a dude that looks like he’s been around the block.. he will likely have on timbs and be shirtless with sweat glistening.. okay stop girl.. think 50 Cent upon arrival.. ooh chile that bod-day!! 
A little scruff — I like man who looks like he’s been busy.. working.. a 5 o clock shadow.. his hairs grown out a bit.. he looks like he’s been doing something that’s more important than some damn haircut! He’s either been workin or puttin in work.. either way.. I ain’t mad
Hard bodied — I like a man with biceps, triceps, traps, 6 pack, that groin line, calves.. BACK DEFINITION! A man that works out and keeps his body lookin RIGHT.. a man that goes to the gym cares about his appearance and/or his health.. he is clearly conscious of his body.. and that ish is HOT.. there is one man in particular that I can’t speak on due to our.. past relationship.. but his body was BANGIN.. I mean.. hot and bothered just thinkin about it.. and .. okay
Height — I am 5’1 .. I like being short because it has it’s advantages.. damsel in distress-like.. but I’ll be damned if we both at Wal-Mart waitin for a ladder .. Now.. I have a friend that is about 6’4.. he towers so far over me.. it’s almost scary.. I mean.. I can’t even touch his shoulder when he’s standing!!! But.. 5’9-6’1.. boy o boy!
Glasses — I like intelligence.. if I’m walking down the street.. I can’t look and tell if you’re smart or not.. but I can infer.. men w/ glasses usually look smart (unless he has on those hipster 80’s glasses in which case he probably looks ridiculous).. so.. before I have the chance to gauge your intelligence by conversation.. I can hope that you at least know 2+2 and can read.. Continue reading

Not For Free!

Posted in Are You Serious?!, CRAZY TALK!!, Fool!, Hold The Phone!!, I Don't Get Down Like That, I'm Just Sayin, IMO, Intimate Does Not Equal Sex, Let Me Explain, m. lauren speaks, Say What Now?!, The Way I See It with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on 09/22/2009 by emellewriter

By saying “Don’t give up the kitty for free” I am not telling you to prostitute yourself.. I am just telling you not to give up the goods for nothing!

What we as women hold between our legs is a treasure.. we give life through our vaginas.. HELLO!??!

We need to realize that our lady parts are not toys or bargaining tools.. they are, just as I said, treasure.. they are highly sought after and should be held to the highest of standards..

That being said.. don’t just give it up to 1. just anybody for 2. any old reason..

Your “treasure box” is special.. and only you hold power over it.. however, we have been allowing men access to these magnificent treasures like they are Happy Meal toys.. NO NO!

A man needs to earn that.. he should be giving you time.. respect.. patience.. trust and getting to know you before you go rewarding him with the p..

You should be gauging whether he is worth all of you.. and all of your time before you go spreading your legs.. if all he is good for is a cheap dinner at Red Lobster.. he is not good enough for your lovin shit, maybe he is.. no judgement

Giving it up for nothin is letting a man hit on day one.. giving it to him after a dollar show and a value meal.. make him wait.. make him earn it!

What usually happens when you give it up too soon?! a. he’s no longer interested or b. he is only interested in the sex after that .. what is it that you believe he is chasing!?

Your sensitivity?! Your intellect!? Come on now.. he is chasin that ass! And the joy of the hunt is.. THE HUNT!

If a lion comes along and a gazelle just lays the hell down.. the lion is probably going to be a bit peeved.. he’ll still eat the gazelle.. but his thirst for the hunt won’t be quenched.. he’ll move on to a gazelle that is willing to be chased.. (this is why you’re the jump-off and she’s the gf sweetie)..

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Weekend Lover to My Boo?!

Posted in Being Single SUCKS!!, CRAZY TALK!!, Girl Bye.., He Said ... But He Meant ..., Hold The Phone!!, I'm Just Sayin, IMO, Let Me Explain, m. lauren speaks, Say What Now?! with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on 09/21/2009 by emellewriter

foolishcat-com-gallery0062I had to take a break from sitting at Panera aimlessly job hunting to check some of my fave blogs.. okay to check out Single Black Male.. maybe I heart it so much b/c Im a Single Black Female?!

Anywho.. one of my favorite subjects popped up today: Can you go from being the “weekend beat” (loved it, stole it) to being the “wifey” (word on my top 100 most hated words)..!?

Well.. I have to agree with SBM.. uhh HELL NO.. usually

The weekend beat.. is the same thing as an FWB (friends w/ benefits).. you get that mandatory every 2 weeks call/text.. have some hopefully phenomenal sex.. and then take your ass home.. until next time..

There are two ways FWB can play out..

1. You have great sex.. and could care less if you never speak to this person again..


2. You catch feelings..

Scenario 2 is the most troubling.. You go in.. claiming to not want a realationship (claiming — because sometimes you’re lying) and then you start this S.R. with said person.. soon after though, you start to like (or more) this person.. and that’s where is usually all goes downhill..

*Here is something ALL women must know: if a man says he wants or does not want something.. YOU cannot change the way he feels about it.. furthermore, he will probably not change his mind (as it pertains to you)*

When he said that he didn’t want a relationship on day one.. you should have taken that at face value.. because he REALLY doesn’t want one.. at least not with you.. (of course you have some idiots who lie about this because they don’t realize that if he tells the truth he will get further and be more respected for it.. idiot).. Anywho.. if he said that a relationship was NOT in the cards.. it is NOT.. you didn’t take that for what it was did you?! You’re at scenario 2 aren’t you!?

Why won’t he turn his slut into his housewife?!
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Put A Title On It

Posted in IMO, Let Me Explain, m. lauren speaks, The Way I See It with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on 09/19/2009 by emellewriter

I was reading one of my favorite blogs, Necole Bitchie.. she had a post on there about putting a “title on your relationship”..

Basically she asked the question: will putting a title on it ruin your relationship?!

Great question.. my thoughts first:

A relationship should be defined by the two people in it.. just because your best friend calls the man in her life her boyfriend, doesn’t mean that you have to! I have always put a title on my past relationships, usually because the man involved asked me to (i.e., will you be my girlfriend?) ..

But at this point, I believe that the defining should be focused on what you are willing to do for and with each other, rather than what you should call each other.. in “traditional” terms, a man and woman in a monogamous relationship who are committed to each other would be titled something like “boyfriend/girlfriend” or.. going together if you’re in 8th grade!

Even though I am not seeing anybody at present, I plan to allow my next venture into .. whatever the opposite of singledom is be defined in whatever terms we decide..

Read Necole’s take on things:

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