Archive for the Girl Bye.. Category

Reality Check

Posted in Girl Bye.., Uncategorized with tags , , , , , on 07/04/2014 by emellewriter

Yesterday, I had made a decision that I was going to go home (I’m currently out of town) and let a certain someone know what time it was. I had made up in my mind what I wanted and how and he was going to have to get with it or keep it moving …


And then I read this post by Jewel at her blog: A Perfect Fit


reality check


So here’s some background … I have known Jewel since I was a young, heartbroken and determined college student. God brought her into my life just as I was healing from a terrible situation and seeking God. She isn’t a perfect person but a woman that loves the Lord and has an open and bright heart. I share this because I want anyone reading to understand that I don’t read her blogs for the sake of reading, but because I know her heart is in the words…


So the post that I just read was in short about single women who are dating: knowing our worth and that we are good enough. Please read the entire blog whether you’re single or taken, man or woman. It was enlightening.


In it, she talks about many of the same things I have spoken about (on this blog and in other realms) and things that I am currently going through. One particular paragraph really hit home for me:


If a guy tells you he’s not looking for anything serious-He’s NOT looking for anything serious. I don’t care how pretty you are, how seductive you are-listen to him. He’s not ready.


How many times have I said this myself? A million! I’ve posted it on FB and twitter and said it to my friends but it wasn’t until I read these sentences (in the context of the entire post) that it finally hit me. The exact thing that I had been warning other people about, is the same exact thing I was getting ready to go and do! I wanted to tell a man that has told me more than once that he isn’t ready that he should be ready because I want something from him that he is unwilling or unable to give. Nevermind the fact that I already know that I won’t get it. It’s just the rebel in me wanting to “take a chance.” As I was reading Jewel’s post and reflecting on my own thoughts about this particular man, I heard me telling myself :




I had to take the largest of chill pills and tell myself: Girl, that man don’t wantchu! (lol, that’s what I said).


See, the thing is, I have held on to feelings for this person for quite some time. And, instead of just letting them go, I allowed myself to fall deeper into them by giving away my time and energy which only made things worse. The more time, the more frivolous PDA, the more … whatever that we give each other, the harder it is to distinguish between what’s been said and what’s been shown. Because what I see and what I hear are two different things but I learned a long time ago that men will usually be very verbally clear even if the actions they show you contradict that.


We try to be everything we think the man wants. We act cool, not too needy. We act like we’re just “hanging and having fun.” We put on a front not to scare them away. I will tell you this-once you get married all those things you hid will come to light. You tried putting your best foot forward by hiding things but it’ll come out sooner or later. So why not, just be intentional in dating? Forget “just having fun”, women are delicate! We can’t play “the game” like men. God created us to love, and nurture and have hearts. We love strong! And you weren’t designed to do that for every man you meet nor were you created to have your heart broken over and over again. Really no one is.


I have come to realize (the hard way) that I’m not a “kick-it girl”. I am a “move into your heart” type of woman. I am not pleased by the causal  nature of  many dating situations. I’m not okay with the “having fun” when in the back of my mind I know I want something more. I have known this for a long time, this is what I did.


So I quit dating. I quit selling myself for close to nothing. God had bought me for a price-and I was going to start charging! Every cute guy with a good line was NOT going to be able to “get to know me.” If God created ONE man for ONE woman, then he had to be special.


I “quit” dating probably about 2 years ago. In fact, when I told this to one of my good male friends and he asked why – my reply was that I had to be focused on other things like school. His reply was “once you graduate, then what will your excuse be?” At the time I rolled my eyes and explained to him that I wouldn’t find excuses, but when the time was right it would be right. Fast forward and I realize that he was right, however, it wasn’t excuses that I found, just better reasons.


I found that dating just wasn’t working for me the way I was going about it. I allowed too many people to have my number, my conversation, my time, my affection … So I stopped. I found the things that were holding me back and figured out what changes needed to be made: choosing celibacy, choosing to be more selective, giving time to people who really and truly care for my best interests and learning patience.


And it works. I still meet bozos here and there but it’s easier to weed them out.


delete delete delete


On the other hand, I have moments like the one I started the post about in the first place. Moments where I want to ignore what I know to be true and right for me and just do what feels good. Moments where I have to sit back and assess where my thoughts are coming from – my heart? my confused mind? the outside world? lust? And that is when God blesses me with things like Jewel’s post. Things that put into perspective all of the choices I have made to shield myself from the shallow and murky world of dating.


I know that there are God-loving men out here who are marriage-minded and that there is one made solely for me. And I know that when the time is right, he’ll come around and God will bless our union. And, in the meantime, I have to do ensure that I am making God choices, not Me choices.


For today, that meant realizing that no matter what feelings I have for the gentleman I previously spoke of, those feelings would be best left alone for now. He is not ready and truthfully, neither am I. That doesn’t mean that in the future we wouldn’t be right for each other but it certainly doesn’t mean that we will. We could both just as well be being prepared for two other wonderful people and our dealings could even be blocking that. I don’t know, just speculating. However, what I do know is that I can’t push any man to do or be anything I want him to be. That means that no matter how badly I would want to tell this guy that I want to be with him and he needs to get his life, it wouldn’t matter what I said. If he wanted to be with me, he would let it be known.


Sometimes we just need a reality check, whether from a friend or a stranger. My reality check stopped me from throwing my heart back into a place where I knew it might not be welcomed. It reminded me to be patient and to be dutiful in my growth as a Woman of God. All that other stuff will eventually come along and moments like these, they pass. I’m just grateful that Jewel saw fit to bring these words from her heart to her blog for women like me who need a little check every once in a while.


You can find her post here at A Perfect Fit. 





Posted in Are You Serious?!, Boy Bye!, CRAZY TALK!!, Fool!, Girl Bye.., I Lol'd On Your Ass!, I'm Just Sayin, IMO, m. lauren speaks, MMM.. Now That's Sexy, Wham Bam No Thank You Ma'am, What Is The Big Deal!?, Whitney's Own Hell To The Naw, Whoo.. Chile! with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on 12/08/2009 by emellewriter

Bored baby ain't on it neitha!

Looka here readers..

Today.. I am not on it.. Too much is going on for me to put all these thoughts in a logical order.. they are about as jumbled up as 4000 spaghetti noodles.. so.. here are some things I was thinking about..

10 Random “Idontcareifyoucare” Thoughts (and a bonus for being so good).. 

1. Tiger Woods — DAMN SON!! If I had known Tiger had it like that.. I woulda been down in FL KNOCKIN IT OUT THE PARK.. I mean.. he is not so appealing to the eye.. and supposedly has a whack ass d game.. but c’mon.. the sorta-brotha canNOT be cheap (at least I hope to hell not).. these hoes better be gettin some money.. and that wife of his got a settlement to STAY.. whaaaaaat?! Tig.. call me when Elin leaves and you need a ride or die who won’t ring the alarm on your ass.. these groupies are a triiiiiip..

*no, I don’t encourage groupie sex for money.. I ENDORSE IT.. NEXT*

2. Lettin a man be a man — What is it with you women who are always tryna run ish?! Granted.. I understand that you worked “TOO DAMN HARD” to get your 4 PhD’s and buy Tyler Perry’s mansion and wear tight ass suits everyday.. but DAMN SON!! You won’t let your man lay down the law in his house?! Are you reaaaally gonna act like Taraji in that 15 minutes of “Not Easily Broken” that I saw!? First you walk all over him with your fancy degrees and independence.. theeeen you have the nerve to not let the brotha be a man?! Emasculating 101 will not be taught by this woman.. hell I aint never claimed to me nobodies independent anything.. TAKE CARE OF ME DAMMIT

3. 5 Star Bitches — ‘SCUSE?! First off.. what is a 5 star chick?! I am not going to take the time out to listen to that idiotic song.. so I guess I shall neeeever know.. However.. I am pretty sure that it is some kind of i-n-d-e-p.. you get it woman… with a fat ass.. cute face and some other great ‘values’.. I am also pretty positive that most of the women calling themselves 5 stars are not stars at all.. I am sure that being on welfare doesn’t make you a 5 star.. and neither do quick weaves.. umm I just cannot

||edited to say: Star backwards spells Rats.. that is all||

4. Baby Makin Music — I love to get down w/ some slow jams in the background.. and no.. all the songs don’t have to be slow tempoed.. but Juelz Santana?!?!.. GDFOHWDS.. I can’t concentrate on the pleasure if all I hear is “SANTANA.. AYE!”.. stop it fivvvvvve << Cam’ron reference

5. Marriage — what can I say?! The girl wants to get married.. one day.. but I think my reasoning is pretty damn selfish

  • To have constant d – I mean.. as long as he’s on point (which I shall know before hand).. then I would be happy gettin that on the regular.. oooh yeah married people don’t have sex that much do they?! ..
  • To be taken care of financially stable – his two incomes are better than mine one.. he can go to work and be all sexy and suited up.. and I’ll be sexy and shopping.. win/win

6. Drop It Low — I keep joking with people that I want to be a stripper.. I mean.. not for a career.. I just want to strip to see what its like.. why is that so bad?! I can shake my ass.. can’t I?! People look at me like.. what?! Strip for yo man?! NO DUMMY.. STRIP FOR MONEY.. I could see me up on that used-to-be shiny pole.. trying not to trip in my stripper heels.. collecting dirty ones with nutsac sweat covering them off the stage.. STRIPPERS UNITE

7. Say What’s Up Nigga — see.. there are certain times when ‘niggas’ and ‘bitches’ are appropriate terms.. when dealing with ignorance of any kind.. you shall be referred to as such.. I hate it when BITCH ASS NIGGAS (see?! how appropriate) say one thing and act another way.. I also hate when they don’t follow directions.. If i say “be upfront”.. why the hell can’t you just do that?! wtf?! Are you hard at hearing!? Does Frankie have to spell it out for you?! I digress

8. I Bet You Think This Status Is About You — Dear Men.. AINT NOBODY STUTTIN YOU.. why do yall think that every twitter update.. facebook or bbm status is about you?! “I love me some him” is a busted ass SONG LYRIC STUPID.. maybe I been on my Toni B is still alive campaign.. DAMN SON.. ego is too big fa me!

9. Keep your legs shut TIGHT — what happened to virgins?! Besides Angela Simmons.. do they exist!? Now.. I want to know because there are some untainted souls that I would like taint.. inquire about.. Furthermore.. as a woman.. would you ever take a man’s virginity?! Me, myself, personally, IMO << ego >> I just can’t see it.. I mean.. I am all up for teaching him what I like.. but teaching him the game itself!? OHH NOO MY BROTHA!! Think about it.. when a guy is like.. 19.. his stroke game is still pretty whack because he should have been has been recently devirginized (unless some grown hoe sucked him off… No Cash Money).. so when he gets into his mid-20s and up.. he should have a grasp on the up and down-stroke.. so if he is a virgin.. how long will he have to be in tutoring until he can pass the test the first time!? I AINT GOT THAT KINDA TIME

10. Please No 360s — speaking of stroke game.. There is one particular move that my friends and I like to refer to as 360.. yes CIRCLES.. laaaaaawd chile boo! For some reason.. alot of men like to move their hips in a circular motion and thrust on the upstroke (I just made that ish up).. I am sure you know the move.. I would not recommend this move fellas.. it is not for everyone.. it takes a special sized kind of man to keep this type of movement going.. just.. don’t

11. If You Tryna Hit It, Please Put A Ring On It — not literally.. but Single Ladies has been in my head for the past 3 days.. which is torturous for the kid.. now.. gone are the days when m. lauren will ride that pony without a stable to park it in.. does that make sense?! (I was gonna say w/o a saddle but that would be a condom reference right?!.. FCUK.. #metaphorfail).. I am over casual sex.. but these men aren’t.. they wanna knock it out the park as soon as possible with no strings.. NO SIR.. if you are tryna get my panties in a bunch.. then you must be ready to be exclusive.. And no.. we don’t even have to call each other boyfriend/girlfriend.. we can just say.. we’re together.. JUST DON’T BE SADDLIN UP NO OTHER PONIES (okay.. that one worked right?)

|| Please Note — these points are made in jest with some truth to them.. I am just a silly girl in a too serious world.. laugh at your own leisure ||

Those are MY Kids

Posted in Boy Bye!, CRAZY TALK!!, Girl Bye.., Oh.. No.., Wham Bam No Thank You Ma'am, Whitney's Own Hell To The Naw with tags , , , , , , , , , on 12/03/2009 by emellewriter

I saw this picture and said to myself: WHAT THEE HAIL!?!?


Now.. here we have a beautiful family.. I cannot deny that.. but it’s not complete.. these girls clearly have a different father than Djimon.. and I was thinking.. how would you feel seeing a CHRISTMAS CARD (not just some run of the mill snapshot) with your children and another man.. hell he is holding one of Russell’s children’s hands..

I am using this picture as an illustration of my thought process.. not to harp on thier lives/domestic setup..

I just cannot see being the parent to a child and feeling 100% okay with having another woman picture with them for the holidays.. these are my kids.. step back buddy! It just gives the image that the original parent is not in the picture.. and maybe that they are okay with someone else raising thier children.. well thats what it looks like to me..

I just can’t see giving my stamp of approval like: “yes ma’am.. gon head and take picthurs wit ma kids like u raised em” .. NUUUUH! You better get your own damn kids to take Christmas Card pictures with..

What do you think!?

What Are You Lookin For

Posted in Are You Serious?!, Boy Bye!, CRAZY TALK!!, Fool!, Girl Bye.., Hold The Phone!!, Whitney's Own Hell To The Naw with tags , , , , , , , , , , on 11/24/2009 by emellewriter

Oh.. you don't know Sheila huh?! Why she call you 12 times on friday then!?

Silly.. silly idiot.. drop the phone.. it does NOT belong to you..

I am only going to say this one time.. and if I have to repeat myself to ANYONE.. I will cyber thug you all:


And when you find it.. please remember to be mad at yourself for searching and not me for doing.. HELLO!

When I was 19.. I went through my boyfriends phone.. it had been a couple of months.. he’d texted a female “friend” telling her that I wasn’t his girlfriend or some other b.s… and what did I do?! Ab-so-lut-ely nothing! I couldn’t.. I shouldn’t have been looking through his phone in the first place.. and I was NOT about to give up my position.. I learned a valuable relationshipial lesson that day:


This seems to be a significant issue in relationships.. looking through phones, searching pockets, reading diaries (yes, the same ex did that to me.. crazy mofo)

If you have enough distrust to search for signs of infidelity.. you have enough distrust to be by your damn self!

I will never ever understand why people go looking for possible drama.. 

Here is some advice for ya’ll:

1. Don’t ask questions you don’t really want the answers to — “did you sleep with her?”.. either way you are going to be mad.. if he lies, you’ll be mad that he cheated AND lied.. and if he tells the truth, you’ll be mad that he cheated.. if you don’t want to know.. just don’t ask
2. Don’t go looking for answers, you will find them — nothing is worse than finding something out on your own about the person you trust.. whether you’ve asked around or logged in to his facebook (#fail).. you will undoubtly find something that will wreak havoc.. even if it means nothing.. you know you will make something out of nothing..
3. Don’t reveal your sneakiness — if you decide to confront someone about information you received in an underhanded manner, you will now be the person in the hotseat.. whatever the other party did will no longer matter because you should’ve trusted them and minded your own damn business! Just tell them some guys from the baseball team told you (c) Mean Girls
||I do not condone dishonesty, but Im trying to save your ass||


Posted in Being Single SUCKS!!, Girl Bye.., m. lauren speaks, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , on 11/17/2009 by emellewriter

How much sense does this make?

I don’t want to think about something too much because if it doesn’t work out, I would’ve put too much mental and emotional effort into it..

But I don’t have a very positive outlook on things.. So I feel kind of safe thinking about something that I think probably won’t happen..

But I realize at the same time that I am nervous about the unknown and if things did work out in my favor then I had no reason to worry..

And at the same time I don’t want to put all of my eggs (thoughts) into one basket (situation)..

Perhaps the best solution would be for me to find a hobby or something to take some of this idle time.. Problem is..

Most of these thoughts occur while I’m in bed.. I can’t find that many hobbies!!!

The past couple days have been.. Different.. In a good way.. But have aroused some feelings.. Feelings I didn’t know existed.. The way I feel is different.. I keep trying to keep myself from saying that.. B/c I don’t halfway believe it.. But also because I don’t want to admit it..

This is new.. And I feel like I’m working on jeopardizing a good thing because of my fear.. I said I would take things a moment at a time.. But its hard.. I’m trying..

I’m going to keep trying.. Because I don’t want to not take a risk that could’ve paid off..

Two cheers for risk-taking…

No Babies For Me…

Posted in Boy Bye!, Boy Please.. Whateva!!, Girl Bye.., I'm Just Sayin, Wham Bam No Thank You Ma'am with tags , , , , , , , , , on 11/11/2009 by emellewriter

Black-momnoFor about 21 years of my life.. I was all about the fairy tale: husband, kids, dog, big ass house..

Then.. at 22, I got dumped and gained perspective.. big ass house? YES, dog? PRETTY PLEASE!, husband? one day but no big rush, kids? SKKKKKKKKERTTTTTTT!!! HOLD ON TO YOUR SEATS!!!!

You should probably take that screeching halt as a big fat N-O!

It’s not that I dislike kids sheesh, yes I do.. I just like them from a distance.. I used to want to be pregnant and have my man rub my belly and have a baby shower and take my kids to school and post cute pictures of them on facebook and whatnot.. then reality hit me..

Cute only lasts for so long..

I don’t want to be responsible for taking care of another human being.. I don’t even like taking care of myself.. baths!? we off that.. Having children was something that I considered because it seemed like what I should be doing.. The American Dream and all that 50s bullsh*t.. But I realized.. just as some people are meant to be single.. some are not meant to be parents.. and it was okay not want any.. Everything about having kids was appealing -picking names, having all the belly watch attention- that is until I came in contact with some human babies (as opposed to alien ones!?) and witnessed the magic of spit up formula, diaper changing and piercing cries for.. who knows what?!

People look at me crazy o_O when I say I don’t want kids.. or say: “you will one day”.. No, I doubt that I will.. I am just not a kid person..

Quite frankly, kids kind of annoy me.. they just get under my skin, asking questions and whatnot..

My plan is to be the best auntie in the world! I will take the kids to the zoo and bring them home so you can bathe them!! Let me take her shopping and talk to her about boys.. but you can whoop her ass for staying out late!! 

Hopefully, I’ll meet a man who is unsure of his want for children so that if my mind changes.. we can decide together..

I guess this means a lifetime of pulling out birth control huh!?

Why does everyone think that being born with ovaries makes me want to be a mother?!! I have feet but I don’t want to walk everywhere.. Being a mother is about more than being physically equipped to carry and birth a child.. a kid is a lifetime of.. life.. there is no return line.. there’s no “kids!? we off that”.. Your child is yours for life..

I could sit here and tell ya’ll that I’m just not ready for kids.. and that one day, I’ll be dying to be a mother.. but I wont.. I more than love my freedom.. I cherish it, I live for it.. if it was a man I’d marry it.. I like being able to decide to do something on a moments notice and just go out and do it.. I like to travel and try new things.. There are a lot of things that I want to do that I don’t want to have to look at any other person and see if they want to go or how they feel (this includes relationships)..

The thing that really kills me about this though is mothers.. so many of them seem to think that just because they gave up 9 months of stuff they really like to do and chase diaper thrashing toddlers all day.. and I don’t want to, that something is wrong.. it’s like I am offending them.. No, I just have no desire to do what you are doing hun!

I have heard moms tell non-moms that it is selfish of us not to want kids.. on the contrary my dear.. I believe it to be very selfLESS that I choose not to give birth to a mini version of myself.. selfless because Im choosing not to bring a child into this chaotic and reckless world I live in.. Not like the real world.. just the one I reside it.. it’s not very child friendly.. hell it’s not m. lauren friendly!!! But at the same time.. these moms are right.. I AM SELFISH.. I am 23 and reserve every right to do me.. and if Im 34 and still don’t want kids.. and Im still selfish.. so what?! Go wipe your kids nose and stay away from my Bentley..

Continue reading

Make A Friend … F*ck A Book!!

Posted in Boy Bye!, CRAZY TALK!!, Girl Bye.., Hold The Phone!!, I'm Just Sayin, Wham Bam No Thank You Ma'am, Whitney's Own Hell To The Naw with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on 11/11/2009 by emellewriter


As a member of the female species, I am expected to be ignorant to the on-goings of the male psyche.. I am supposed to believe the “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” bullsh*t hype.. that men and women are so different and I will never be able to understand them.. well


I am smarter than your average bear patna..

I have practiced one key excercise that all women and men should also practice if they ever “hope to understand the opposite sex”*

Make a male friend — DUH!.. This is not a secret.. it is common sense.. the reason that I have been able to understand men, avoid a lot of heartache and become the master playa-slaya (what?) that I am.. is because I have male friends..

And there are some things I have learned that apply to all men..

1. “Let’s Chill” — translation: “come over my house, sit on my couch, pop in a movie and sit close to me”.. before the end of Act 2, he will have successfully tried to kiss you, caress your bodacious bod and replace your vertical position with a horizontal one.. Do NOT believe the hype.. if you have never hung out with this person before.. never been anywhere in public before and he is not a pre-determined platonic friend.. he is NOT trying to watch a movie.. STOP FALLING FOR THIS BULLSH*T.. your house, his house.. it doesn’t matter.. he is trying to get it in or get as far as he can.. you’re in the perfect situation in the house, on a couch or bed, watching a movie in the dark and probably sitting close.. the only time you should go “chill” with this cretin is if you are also trying to get it crackin.. if not, don’t be surprised when the movie is on pause and you’re missing your draws..

2. Yes, he wants it — I was once told: “every man wants to have sex with you”.. No, not every man on the street (but likely so), every man you deal with.. we are always worrying about if he’s trying to get in our pants.. there is no if hun, it’s when!? But, there is nothing wrong with this.. think about it.. your husband will want to have sex with you (I should hope).. the problem is the man who only wants to have sex with you and is deceitful about it.. A real man won’t lie about it.. he will be straight up.. “ay baby, when you gon let me hit that?” or.. something like that.. but a male-child will try to pull the wool over your eyes.. What a lot of men don’t seem to understand is, if they’d just be upfront and tell us that all they want is the goods.. they will get much more respect for being honest.. they may not actually get the goods.. but at least they were honest.. if he’s taking the easy way out.. he’s a lame plain and simple.. If you are one of these lazy lying brothas.. YOU ARE LAME!!

3. If he wants it, he will pursue— One of the most important things I have learned about men in my 23 years, is that they will pursue what they want.. they may take what is given to them, but if they don’t want it, they won’t pursue it any further.. So many women stoop so low to get a man to choose them.. girl BYE.. No man is going to walk by something he wants and not go after it.. have you ever seen a hungry lion walk past a temptingg gazelle?! No.. he chased it, tackled it and chowed down! What I am saying is, stop pursuing men! If he wants you, he will let you know and he will put in the work.. all you have to do is accept or deny his advances and be a viable “prey” (I know, bad choice of words).. As long as you know what it is that he is hunting.. if he is just after the booty.. then he should make that known.. but don’t go chasing after him..

These were just three things on my mind.. there are plenty more.. trust me.. I just get so tired of ladies falling for dumb sh*t because some book or magazine (Cosmo) told us “we’ll never understand them” or “let them be boys” and a bunch of other b.s…

Like yesterday.. I watched “He’s Just Not That Into You” for the second time.. I didn’t like it the first time, but hey, it was on the shelf at the library just screaming.. TAKE ME HOME AND TALK SH*T ABOUT ME..

I was mesmerized by how STUPID and DESPERATE the women were.. I mean really!? .. Everything that happened to them was so obvious.. the worst though, was the girl who was sleeping with a married man then got mad at him for entertaining his own wife.. GIRL BYE.. because she assumed he was leaving the wife for her.. hahahahha..

Anywho.. most of the things you read in the “self-help” section of Barnes and Noble and is Cosmo is a bunch of poppycock.. Here is all the information you’ll need to shut the dumb sh*t down: OPEN YOUR EYES AND PAY ATTENTION! ..

See?! How hard was that?!?! So.. put down the magazine, and stop believing the hype.. besides, you ever notice how Cosmo and those el desperado chick flicks would have you believe that white women are brain-dead when it comes to men?! How many black girls do you see in those books!? Hmm.. I guess that’s a win for us then huh?!

Quit the poppycock..


m. lauren
the keepin-it-100 relationship guru..

*probably a quote from many a frou-frou “relationship” book at Barnes and Noble..