I had to take a little time out of my busy schedule of thinking about doing homework and pretending to work to address a very serious epidemic…

new-fangled-technological dating

let me preface this post with a huge sigh…


Let me just list all the reasons technology is ruining dating as I have grown to know it!

1. It turns regular people into sappy stalkers —
“So uhh.. you got facebook/twitter/wordpress/pornhub!?” WHY!? So that you can social network me to death before you even learn my last name and favorite cereal!? Why.. why.. WHY does a person need to befriend/follow you before they’ve even seen you in person again? I have a great idea.. CALL THE PERSON AND INVITE THEM OUT!! I mean.. seriously.. how hard is it to sit down at the Starbucks and share some shallow ass information in hopes that you’ll get preliminarily liked!? Stalking someone is uncouth.. unless of course, you don’t actually know them

2. Pictures in the hands of a perv — “Um, cn I get a pic uv u so I dnt forget wht u look like?” THE HAIL!?!? … THE FCUK!?!? You know.. just be honest.. “I thought you were pretty so can I get a pic of you to jack to and show my friends and tell them you’re my girl?” *deep breath*.. I HATE THIS CRAP!! I really can’t even explain how annoying this is.. if you are going to meet up with someone that you met 3 days ago and you “don’t remember” what they look like you probably shouldn’t be going anywhere with them.. and if the person ignores your request or says no.. DON’T ASK AGAIN! I don’t take pics so I have a handy-damn-dandy pic to send your thirsty ass.. I take them because I’m cute and bored.. DUH! *bbm talk to the hand face*

3. Technology progressed, why didn’t you!? — IT.IS.2010.WHY.DO.YOU.STILL.HAVE.A.FLIP.PHONE!?!? Verizon, Best Buy, Sprint give away phones for free! SMARTPHONES.. not Motorola Razrs.. BLACKBERRYS… How can you not call up a friend and grab the BOGO Bold!? Oh.. because they already stepped out the dark ages?! Well.. here’s an idea.. keep the free one in case the first one breaks.. IT’S FREE.. and if you can’t afford the data plan.. well we shouldn’t even be acquainted.. even broke ass grad students have data plans..

4. It’s a PHONE — it has a speaker and a hearing thingamabob.. you use it to TALK.. if you want to use your phone to text get a 2-way.. Texting is not a replacement for talking.. it’s a supplement! That means that you text ONLY when necessary.. i.e. (a.) I am at work and needed to tell you something really quick (b.) I have company and it’s not you.. so in lieu of returning your phone call……. A text is not a suitable method of communication, ESPECIALLY if it’s in a situation with someone YOU DON’T KNOW.. pick up the phone bonehead!

5. Now you think you know everydamnthang about me — him: “Aww I aint know you was frens wit Shalonda O’Dell” me: “WHO NUCCA?!” Look patna.. just because you see someone is my friend on the book or the twitter.. does NOT mean I actually know them, kick it with them, eat their homecooking.. Don’t be stalkin my friends list.. even further.. don’t be stalkin my activity! “Ahh so, you don’t like my mama now?” “UMM WHAT!?” “Well I seen on twitter yo..” “Ohh hell NO.. *real life talk to the hand face*” Look.. don’t be readin all up in my social networks and then askin me about it in real life.. and do NOT assume that I am talkin about you!! Maybe I don’t like my other boyfriends mama!! Or maybe I’m quoting a movie.. either way..stay in your lane and off my twitta nicca o_O

6. I just HAD to mention this — When you want to go out with/date/hang out with a person you ASK them to spend time with them! “when we gon hang” is NOT the proper way to ask someone out on a date or to your damn couch.. who said I wanted to hang out with your ass in the first place?! Don’t assume I want to even be around you.. you ask if we can hang out and I might say yes.. eff around and get textually pieced man.. And if this assumption of hanging out occurs via text.. *hangs head* that 18 strikes.. #reallygrindsmygears


Technology is causing idiots in real life to believe they are geniuses.. Technology is causing people with no common sense to believe that they have some sort of intelligences.. Technology is causing people who have no couth or social adept-ness to believe that they can interact with normal people.. STOP IT..

Stop texting, bbm’ing, twittering, facebooking, myspacing well actually.. if you’re on myspace you need to just quit life, pornhubing my life and learn how to date like a normal human being circa 1995.. Damn.. aint you ever seen Love Jones?! “Yeah.. I gotcho numba”










*contents of this blog and post are for entertainment purposes and do not directly reflect my actual intelligence in real life (i.e. I know intelligences wasn’t used correctly” mmkay?)


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