This Is A Damn Shame

Not only have I not written in ages for various reasons.. I have writers block (reason number 1)

I was reading Single Black Male and I got all inspired to blog.. but had nothing to blog about.. I mean.. really nothing whatsoever.. But I thought.. isn’t this blog about a young woman discovering herself as a single person and what she wants from life?! Well.. why don’t I just talk about that.. #duh

What I have learned in the past few months.. is what is important to me.. and that, of course, is the key to discovering who you are and what you want.. so…

What’s Important to Me:

1. School — Im going to grad school at the end of the this month and at least 5 times a day I think of something related to school

2. Money — or a lack thereof.. Because I am returning to school I am going to return to that old ballin stage known as “student”.. and the more I think about that.. the more I think about how I want to be fiscally responsible.. which leads to

3. Growing Up — Being spoiled has its perks.. you get whatever you want.. but that also means that you don’t learn the art of independence and taking care of yourself.. at this point I just want to be an adult and not have to depend on anyone else

The things that are most important to me involve becoming a better person and adult.. getting to know myself on a level I haven’t reached yet..

So even though I somewhat want a meaningful relationship.. I am in a place where I feel like I am not ready.. At this point in life.. getting in relationships just to have a “boyfriend” is basically stupid.. at this point (Im near 24 & out of undergrad) I am waiting for my husband to come along.. not a status “in a  relationship” on facebook.. I mean: stability..

Back to my not being ready: I don’t really have the time, energy or desire to build and maintain a brand new relationship.. all of my focuses revolve around me.. how could I devote any focus to another person when I am trying to build and maintain a relationship with myself!?

I’ve heard that men won’t get into relationships with women until they feel they’re done building upon themselves (i.e. career-focused) and that makes alot of sense.. If you are putting the majority of your focus on one thing and one person (self) why even drag another person into the mix!? They will probably end up neglected somehow anyway..

So I just decided to allow my focus to stick to what’s important to me and if a man comes along.. then it’s whatever..

It’s that attitude “it’s whatever” that lets me know that I may be ready in some ways horny as hell but not truly desiring a relationship or the pursuing of one.. or at least that I don’t need to be pursuing one

Its more important at this juncture to do what will make me a better person so that in the future when I meet someone.. I can put my focus into that relationship rather than leaving it on the backburner while I make myself greater

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