Throwback // What The Hell Is That Name?!

||I was looking over my old blog and ran across this rant/confusion.. it made me laugh again and I thought I would share it||

Every Sunday.. Monday.. Tuesday.. pretty much every Winter day.. my television gets turned to a broadcast of some game… Football.. Basketball.. and every time.. I find myself paying more attention to the players.. how cute they are… tight tights… sexy tatts.. than the game itself.. wait how did we just score 29 points??!?! Ohhh.. because I didn’t realize Boobie Gibson was just soooo cute until now.. sorry Lebron..

And that brings me to the topic at hand.. I am always mesmerized by the names of these athletes.. and not just the black ones.. They have some of the most unique.. made up.. straight ghetto names ever.. and I always wonder.. Whose worse!?!? NFL or NBA?!?! I mean… when your child is born and you decide that LaSalle is a good name for a little boy.. (or any child) are you thinking… He’s gonna be famous one day so Ima name him something made up.. or are you just ghetto!?!?!

So.. I have compiled a list.. to compare


Aundrae Allison.. 84 of Minnesota Vikings.. this name isn’t ghetto.. it’s just that I continually see people making up spellings of names.. and had to point this one out.. he and Andra Davis’ mom must have been to lazy to think of anything different so they pulled some letters together and created these spellings

Baraka Atkins.. 91 of Seattle Seahawks.. because why!?!?!? ||editors note.. he sorta kinda gets a pass for being sorta kinda named like Barack Obama.. sorta kinda||

Travarous Bain.. of Jacksonville Jaguars.. because after 3 tries.. I still dont’ think I pronounced this right.. am wondering if he can.. and how long did it take him to learn how to spell this!?!?!

Kentwan Balmer.. 96 of San Fran 49ers.. adding ‘wan to the end of a mans name is like adding la’, sha’, da’ or ka’ to the beginning of a females name.. and so not okay..

DeCori Birmingham.. of Carolina Panthers.. obviously took a page out of Kentwan’s mama’s book by adding de’ to the beginning.. this don’t even sound like a man’s name.. how much you wanna bet all his siblings names are DeSean, DeJuan, DeCota and DeKNY

Anquan Boldin.. 81 of Arizona Cardinals.. I dont EVEN know.. and this is only the B’s… lets jump ahead shall we?

D’Qwell Jackson.. 52 of CLEVELAND BROWNS.. how many 13-18 year old mothers are naming their children after this man!??! D’Qwell!?!? this sounds like a throat problem.. I gotta D’Qwell on my tonsils and I can’t talk.. or some kinda tropical fish: *Steve Irwin* the D’Qwell swims alone.. searching for it’s prey with the agility of a Jaguar..

Mil’Von James.. 42 of CLEVELAND BROWNS.. we must get all the ghettboots (as my mom would say).. how much you wanna bet he’s from Mississippi and came out Class of 1822?!? sadface.. I lost the bet.. he is 23

This one takes the cake Herana-Daze Jones.. 43 of Denver Broncos.. let me just guess.. His daddy told his bm.. “I ain’t sleep wit dat nurse.. I jus hadder inna daze” and she named him that.. I don’t think I can go any further..

Carmelo Anthony.. 15 of Denver Nuggets.. Come on now.. carmelo is a candy bar..

Maceo Baston.. 9 of Indiana Pacers.. I just don’t understand the phenom behind this name.. if more than one person shares this name (which I know for a fact is true because I went to school with one..) then it is in fact a phenomenom.. and a problem

Rasual Butler.. 45 of New Orleans Hornets.. does your name rhyme with Casual!??!

Daequan Cook.. 14 of Miami Heat.. Uhhhh.. reference Kentwan Butler

Udonis Haslem.. 40 of Miami Heat.. Is this a misspelling of Adonis!??! The Greek god of all things Male and Sexy!?!? Or something your mother made up before her epidural wore off!?!?

Othello Hunter.. 50 of Atlanta Hawks.. I can get with the reference to Shakes.. I really can’t even hate on this… unless of course the person who named you is not well-versed in Othello?!? Do you perhaps have a brother Romeo!?! A sister Tempest!?!?

Royal Ivey.. 12 of Philadelphia 76ers.. Why do black people insist on naming their children.. Royal.. King.. Prince.. Princess.. Sir so and so..!?!

Tayshaun Prince.. 22 of Detroit Pistons.. Again.. with the Tay’s.. Dae’s.. La’s.. Sha’s.. Couldn’t Shaun have sufficed ma?!?!

I digress here… but give honorable mention to LeBron James … because what the hell is a LeBron?!?!

I think the NFL wins this one..


2 Responses to “Throwback // What The Hell Is That Name?!”

  1. You forgot Ladainian Tomlinson. Of the New York Jets. Ladainian??

    • regularsbf Says:

      I thought that a Ladainian was some breed of dog!! You’re right, I shouldn’t have left that out!!!

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