Selling Yourself Short

This morning I had a conversation with a good friend of mine who came to an epiphany about one of the guys she was dealing with… the gist of it was “he doesn’t care about me”… so I told her “well, leave him alone, don’t sell yourself short if he’s not giving an eff!”

Why is it that so many of us allow men to give us only part of what we want and need and just accept it!? This post is for the ladies:

We have heard it time and time again.. “know your worth”.. Grandma knew what the hell she was talkin about! The only way for someone to give you what you want, need and deserve, is for you to know what you want, need and deserve! And if the person who you are trying to get it from is not giving it to you.. they need to scoot!!

There is no reason to allow someone to treat you badly.. that is unless you believe you deserve that treatment.. but c’mon.. what have you done that is so bad that your karmic fortune cookie should read: “you suck, let him walk all over you”? I have noticed that many of us will take whatever we can get from a man because we have low self-esteem and low self-value.. so we allow them to build it up and then what?! They tear it right back down!! The only thing a man should do for your self-esteem is blow your head up a little bit more.. you should know before you even step into a relationship how great you are.. that means he will know right off the bat! Besides.. who wants to have to constantly pick someone up all the time?!

Now.. we don’t always know when we meet a man if he will give us the WND (want, need, deserve).. but there are some clues child!

He likes you for you — if a man tells you he wants you to change ANYTHING about yourself that will not make you a better or healthier person (for instance, stop smoking).. he has GOT TO GO! We want men in our lives that love us for everything that we are.. sure.. he may want you to stop cursing so much.. but if he’s not telling you “baby, I don’t like it when you cuss so much, but I accept that it is who you are” he needs to bounce!! Love means accepting everything about a person from that natural musk to the ugly bowling shoes they wont give to Goodwill.. if you believe a change will increase their well-being.. then speak up.. but don’t expect them to change something just because you want them to.. and you’re going to have to accept that!

He protects you — when a man loves someone, his natural inner-man tells him to protect it! I know you have seen that man go outside and wax on wax off for 3 hours.. he is protecting the living paint out of that car!! When it comes to the woman he cares for.. he will treat her the same.. walking on the outside of the sidewalk, holding her hand on the ice, letting her know the food is hot or simply saying “this doesn’t hurt does it?”.. If he doesn’t care about you.. he will let you go to an abandoned alley on Skid Row at 3am by yourself and not think twice about it!! Men are protectors and they will protect.. so if he doesn’t.. tell him to beat it because he is not worth your time

You are on the same page — if you are telling this man that you want to get married and he is staring at your cleavage the entire time while nodding and “umm-hmming” .. it is time to let that go! Any man who is not on the same page with you is not going to give you what you want! Whatever he says he wants (i.e. casual sex) is what he really wants.. so don’t fool yourself into thinking that you can break that man down and make him your booski!! Have you seen “He’s Just Not That Into You”?.. Until you have proven to be the exception.. you are the rule.. find a man who wants what you want!

He pays attention to you — The last boyfriend I had once told me how my cycle worked, remembered my favorite flowers and repeated things I had told him 2 years prior.. that is paying attention! If a man does not pay attention to small things like your favorite cereal.. or the fact that you HATE coconut.. he won’t pay attention to important things in your life, like the big exam you have coming up or your favorite cousins wedding! If he doesn’t pay attention to you why would you even want him?! You are a human being not a blackberry that buzzes him with reminders and updates.. drop that zero.. be with someone who wants to know and remember everything about you

These are just  few clues that you should look for when dating someone.. the most important piece of advice I can give when it comes to getting the WND: take your time!! You won’t know if you are going to get a man who is worth your time, love and lovin if you don’t take the time to get to know him.. we allow ourselves to jump into relationships and give up so much of ourselves then we are stuck with bozos who don’t know how to act!!

Lastly.. ask yourself if you are able and willing to give him the WND.. if you are not.. then you are selling both of you short.. This was aimed at the ladies but fellas.. I know that there are some chumpettes out there!!

Tell me.. what other ways do you find out if you getting your moneys worth or if you are selling yourself short!?

||This reminds me of Melanie Fiona’s “It Kills Me”.. let me just say GIRL BYE! If someone is treating you that bad.. the killing should probably not be focused on you .. j/k no violence.. but seriously?! Silly.. silly girl||

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One Response to “Selling Yourself Short”

  1. Shellz Says:

    I agree. I am not trying to sell myself short and thats a LARGE part of the reason why I have been single for a while. I’m not trying to tell myself: “He treats me like crap, but he’s still cute.” NO! I want it all! Not one feature, not one trait. It’s to late in the game to be settling ;-). Nice post!

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