Booty Calls and Other SRs

As you know.. I write for FlyPaper Magazine.. this is an article I did back in the summer.. I decided to share it here.. Enjoy!.. and visit FlyPaper  for more from me and the FP fam!

Ain’t No Call Like A Booty Call 

There was once a time when a guy would be “sweet” on a girl and court her.  He would take her on dates, whisper sweet nothings in her ear and be nervous about getting that good night kiss.  There was a time when young men walked up to a young lady’s door, presented her with flowers and brought her home before the bewitching hours (10p-3a) of the night.   

Boy, have times changed.  

In the new millennium, being “sweet” on a girl means that you think she has a fatty and you’d like to tap that.  Dates require as much time and preparation as it takes to text a girl and see if she wants just come “chill and watch a movie”, those sweet nothings in your ear consist of him whispering about how “bad” you are and that good night kiss? Well that just turned into a good night romp in the sheets.  In this day and age, a pack of condoms is more likely to be presented than something of the floral variety and those bewitching hours are prime-time for the modern day Casanova. 

Whatever happened to old school romance? Apparently it flew out the window with saddle shoes, glass Coca-Cola bottles and poodle skirts.  A new Sexual Revolution has taken over.  Much more under wraps yet nastier than the free love 70’s, the booty-call-friend-with-benefits-f*#%-buddy trend is liberating the pants off people from high-school to the Sunrise Senior Living complex.  But, this rash of no-strings sexual encounters comes along with plenty of issues:

1. one party lying to or leading on the other party resulting in 2. the risk of emotional attachment 3. the risk of contracting an STD/HIV/AIDS 4. pregnancy (a booty call baby) 5. the risk of public humiliation (usually in cases where one party goes locker room on the other), among other things. 

With all of these potential problems, why would one venture into the realm of booty call-dom?

Casual sex research conducted by ScienceDaily found, “… women are more willing to have casual sex when there is a chance of forming a long-term relationship.” Casual sex is not and will never be a precursor to a relationship.  As the old saying goes “if he can have the milk for free, why buy the whole cow?”  If it’s a relationship you are searching for, having casual sex can be very detrimental to what you’re trying to build.  Instead of creating a foundation for a strong, lasting relationship, people in these situations tend to settle for less.  If, in fact, a relationship did result from the random encounter, the foundation of the relationship would be based on the initial lust, so building upon that would take more work than you may be willing to withstand. Mutual sexual attraction does not equal compatibility.

Focus, instead, on what you want out of a successful relationship and what you have to offer.  If you have standards in mind, you won’t be quick to lower them for someone else, no matter how fine or drool-worthy he is.  Giving it up to get more will only result in you feeling used, regretful and emotionally shriveled.  According to ScienceDaily, “The predominant negative feeling reported by women was regret at having been “used”. Women were also more likely to feel that they had let themselves down … What the women seemed to object to was not the briefness of the encounter but the fact that the man did not seem to appreciate her.”  Take out time for yourself, learn who you are and appreciate yourself before seeking out a faulty relationship.

On the other hand, many people are comfortable in their sexuality and sexual decisions.  If you are one of these people and decide to embark on a no-strings sexual journey, take precautions to avoid confusion, negativity and emotional or physical harm.

If casual sex is your thing or you’re willing to try it… then please take these precautions:

1. be completely and utterly honest with yourself (why do you want to engage in casual sex? do you think you can do so without getting your feelings hurt or hurting someone else?)

2. be completely and utterly honest with your potential mate(s) (they need to know exactly what you are looking for and what you expect in the future, if anything) and

3. take any rejection in stride, some people would just prefer a solid relationship, or the potential for growth but at least they will respect you for being honest

4. know the rules of the booty call, for instance, no talking outside of setting up the rendezvous (see more rules here )

5. know exactly what kind of relationship you are in (friends with benefits and booty calls are not the same, hence the name difference, figure this out to avoid confusion later)

6. unless you could care less, make sure that both you and your partner are prepared to keep your relationship on the hush

7. respect your body and your partners, use a condom along with another form of birth control to protect yourself

8. have fun, after all, your partner will probably be more willing to try new and different things with you because your relationship is based on sex, so go for it

 source

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