Your Friend Is A Hoe

Super-duper sadface.. you’ve been hangin w/ Carmen (anybody read Flyy Girl lately?!) for a minute now.. she’s your road dog.. and if you are there.. so is Carm.. you two are sometimes described as joined at the hip.. Carmen is not your best friend.. she is just a close one that you have known for a while.. she’s pretty social and likes to hang out and LOVES the boys.. then you find out.. the boys LOVE her too..

What do you do when you find out your girl is a scuzzy slut bucket?!

I have been faced with this predicament a couple times..

See.. the Carmens are the girls who are super cool and you love to hang out with them.. they never have boyfriends.. or their relationships are always unstable.. they love to go out and meet new people and a lot of times are starved for male attention.. they are usually pretty easy.. the whole problem is.. you don’t know it!!

Carmen will tell you a bunch of stuff about her sex life [how she slept with the quarterback, or met a dude at the club].. but she’ll leave out the important parts.. [like that she slept with 4 guys on the football team simultaneously.. or that she gave the guy you liked from winter quarter head in a bathroom @ the club].. she’ll tell you things that make her seem un-slutty.. but ehh.. she’s still not a virgin..

It’s not until you bring her name up around guy friends that they drop the “hoe bomb” on you.. of course.. you are utterly shocked and somewhat appalled O.O.. not Carmen!!.. she’s just.. [insert 10 lame excuses here]..

Of course after the hoe bomb is dropped the first time.. you continue to hang w/ ol Carm b/c she’s a good hanging buddy and probably misunderstood o_O.. but you watch her a bit more closely.. “did she just say…” “why is she dancin like that?”.. you listen more closely to what she’s saying to see if what guy friend #1 told you is true..

Now.. time passes and you kinda forget about Carm’s hoe bomb.. no one has said anything about it.. but.. then.. there is a sudden influx of “she nasty” “you know she a hoe” “you shoulda seen her..” “well yeah I did do that w/ him but..” BUT NOTHING..

Straight up.. your girl is a hoe! 1 or 2 people may mistake a couple sexual mishaps for hoedom.. but when people begin telling you out the blue.. bringing up stuff they’ve seen her do.. and she even says things that make you go hmm.. you’re dealing with a bonafide slutfriend..

What do you do!?

Honestly.. I never stopped hanging out with any of the people who have ever been hoe bombed to me (I will never tell names).. I liked them as people before.. and I continued to like them afterwards.. but I was always aware that the “birds of a feather” notion would be flying over my head.. And honestly.. that’s the only issue.. I honestly don’t care what animate or inanimate objects you put in your vajay as long as they don’t belong to me! If you keep your hoeness on the low.. or as low as you can.. then.. do you.. literally! I will just make sure that I keep my non-hoeness in check..

What will you do when the hoe bomb is dropped?! Will you drop your friend or stick by her side?!

Word to the wise.. keep the Carmens away from your man.. or a drop kick may be necessary!!


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