Bored baby ain't on it neitha!

Looka here readers..

Today.. I am not on it.. Too much is going on for me to put all these thoughts in a logical order.. they are about as jumbled up as 4000 spaghetti noodles.. so.. here are some things I was thinking about..

10 Random “Idontcareifyoucare” Thoughts (and a bonus for being so good).. 

1. Tiger Woods — DAMN SON!! If I had known Tiger had it like that.. I woulda been down in FL KNOCKIN IT OUT THE PARK.. I mean.. he is not so appealing to the eye.. and supposedly has a whack ass d game.. but c’mon.. the sorta-brotha canNOT be cheap (at least I hope to hell not).. these hoes better be gettin some money.. and that wife of his got a settlement to STAY.. whaaaaaat?! Tig.. call me when Elin leaves and you need a ride or die who won’t ring the alarm on your ass.. these groupies are a triiiiiip..

*no, I don’t encourage groupie sex for money.. I ENDORSE IT.. NEXT*

2. Lettin a man be a man — What is it with you women who are always tryna run ish?! Granted.. I understand that you worked “TOO DAMN HARD” to get your 4 PhD’s and buy Tyler Perry’s mansion and wear tight ass suits everyday.. but DAMN SON!! You won’t let your man lay down the law in his house?! Are you reaaaally gonna act like Taraji in that 15 minutes of “Not Easily Broken” that I saw!? First you walk all over him with your fancy degrees and independence.. theeeen you have the nerve to not let the brotha be a man?! Emasculating 101 will not be taught by this woman.. hell I aint never claimed to me nobodies independent anything.. TAKE CARE OF ME DAMMIT

3. 5 Star Bitches — ‘SCUSE?! First off.. what is a 5 star chick?! I am not going to take the time out to listen to that idiotic song.. so I guess I shall neeeever know.. However.. I am pretty sure that it is some kind of i-n-d-e-p.. you get it woman… with a fat ass.. cute face and some other great ‘values’.. I am also pretty positive that most of the women calling themselves 5 stars are not stars at all.. I am sure that being on welfare doesn’t make you a 5 star.. and neither do quick weaves.. umm I just cannot

||edited to say: Star backwards spells Rats.. that is all||

4. Baby Makin Music — I love to get down w/ some slow jams in the background.. and no.. all the songs don’t have to be slow tempoed.. but Juelz Santana?!?!.. GDFOHWDS.. I can’t concentrate on the pleasure if all I hear is “SANTANA.. AYE!”.. stop it fivvvvvve << Cam’ron reference

5. Marriage — what can I say?! The girl wants to get married.. one day.. but I think my reasoning is pretty damn selfish

  • To have constant d – I mean.. as long as he’s on point (which I shall know before hand).. then I would be happy gettin that on the regular.. oooh yeah married people don’t have sex that much do they?! ..
  • To be taken care of financially stable – his two incomes are better than mine one.. he can go to work and be all sexy and suited up.. and I’ll be sexy and shopping.. win/win

6. Drop It Low — I keep joking with people that I want to be a stripper.. I mean.. not for a career.. I just want to strip to see what its like.. why is that so bad?! I can shake my ass.. can’t I?! People look at me like.. what?! Strip for yo man?! NO DUMMY.. STRIP FOR MONEY.. I could see me up on that used-to-be shiny pole.. trying not to trip in my stripper heels.. collecting dirty ones with nutsac sweat covering them off the stage.. STRIPPERS UNITE

7. Say What’s Up Nigga — see.. there are certain times when ‘niggas’ and ‘bitches’ are appropriate terms.. when dealing with ignorance of any kind.. you shall be referred to as such.. I hate it when BITCH ASS NIGGAS (see?! how appropriate) say one thing and act another way.. I also hate when they don’t follow directions.. If i say “be upfront”.. why the hell can’t you just do that?! wtf?! Are you hard at hearing!? Does Frankie have to spell it out for you?! I digress

8. I Bet You Think This Status Is About You — Dear Men.. AINT NOBODY STUTTIN YOU.. why do yall think that every twitter update.. facebook or bbm status is about you?! “I love me some him” is a busted ass SONG LYRIC STUPID.. maybe I been on my Toni B is still alive campaign.. DAMN SON.. ego is too big fa me!

9. Keep your legs shut TIGHT — what happened to virgins?! Besides Angela Simmons.. do they exist!? Now.. I want to know because there are some untainted souls that I would like taint.. inquire about.. Furthermore.. as a woman.. would you ever take a man’s virginity?! Me, myself, personally, IMO << ego >> I just can’t see it.. I mean.. I am all up for teaching him what I like.. but teaching him the game itself!? OHH NOO MY BROTHA!! Think about it.. when a guy is like.. 19.. his stroke game is still pretty whack because he should have been has been recently devirginized (unless some grown hoe sucked him off… No Cash Money).. so when he gets into his mid-20s and up.. he should have a grasp on the up and down-stroke.. so if he is a virgin.. how long will he have to be in tutoring until he can pass the test the first time!? I AINT GOT THAT KINDA TIME

10. Please No 360s — speaking of stroke game.. There is one particular move that my friends and I like to refer to as 360.. yes CIRCLES.. laaaaaawd chile boo! For some reason.. alot of men like to move their hips in a circular motion and thrust on the upstroke (I just made that ish up).. I am sure you know the move.. I would not recommend this move fellas.. it is not for everyone.. it takes a special sized kind of man to keep this type of movement going.. just.. don’t

11. If You Tryna Hit It, Please Put A Ring On It — not literally.. but Single Ladies has been in my head for the past 3 days.. which is torturous for the kid.. now.. gone are the days when m. lauren will ride that pony without a stable to park it in.. does that make sense?! (I was gonna say w/o a saddle but that would be a condom reference right?!.. FCUK.. #metaphorfail).. I am over casual sex.. but these men aren’t.. they wanna knock it out the park as soon as possible with no strings.. NO SIR.. if you are tryna get my panties in a bunch.. then you must be ready to be exclusive.. And no.. we don’t even have to call each other boyfriend/girlfriend.. we can just say.. we’re together.. JUST DON’T BE SADDLIN UP NO OTHER PONIES (okay.. that one worked right?)

|| Please Note — these points are made in jest with some truth to them.. I am just a silly girl in a too serious world.. laugh at your own leisure ||


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