Make A Friend … F*ck A Book!!



As a member of the female species, I am expected to be ignorant to the on-goings of the male psyche.. I am supposed to believe the “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” bullsh*t hype.. that men and women are so different and I will never be able to understand them.. well


I am smarter than your average bear patna..

I have practiced one key excercise that all women and men should also practice if they ever “hope to understand the opposite sex”*

Make a male friend — DUH!.. This is not a secret.. it is common sense.. the reason that I have been able to understand men, avoid a lot of heartache and become the master playa-slaya (what?) that I am.. is because I have male friends..

And there are some things I have learned that apply to all men..

1. “Let’s Chill” — translation: “come over my house, sit on my couch, pop in a movie and sit close to me”.. before the end of Act 2, he will have successfully tried to kiss you, caress your bodacious bod and replace your vertical position with a horizontal one.. Do NOT believe the hype.. if you have never hung out with this person before.. never been anywhere in public before and he is not a pre-determined platonic friend.. he is NOT trying to watch a movie.. STOP FALLING FOR THIS BULLSH*T.. your house, his house.. it doesn’t matter.. he is trying to get it in or get as far as he can.. you’re in the perfect situation in the house, on a couch or bed, watching a movie in the dark and probably sitting close.. the only time you should go “chill” with this cretin is if you are also trying to get it crackin.. if not, don’t be surprised when the movie is on pause and you’re missing your draws..

2. Yes, he wants it — I was once told: “every man wants to have sex with you”.. No, not every man on the street (but likely so), every man you deal with.. we are always worrying about if he’s trying to get in our pants.. there is no if hun, it’s when!? But, there is nothing wrong with this.. think about it.. your husband will want to have sex with you (I should hope).. the problem is the man who only wants to have sex with you and is deceitful about it.. A real man won’t lie about it.. he will be straight up.. “ay baby, when you gon let me hit that?” or.. something like that.. but a male-child will try to pull the wool over your eyes.. What a lot of men don’t seem to understand is, if they’d just be upfront and tell us that all they want is the goods.. they will get much more respect for being honest.. they may not actually get the goods.. but at least they were honest.. if he’s taking the easy way out.. he’s a lame plain and simple.. If you are one of these lazy lying brothas.. YOU ARE LAME!!

3. If he wants it, he will pursue— One of the most important things I have learned about men in my 23 years, is that they will pursue what they want.. they may take what is given to them, but if they don’t want it, they won’t pursue it any further.. So many women stoop so low to get a man to choose them.. girl BYE.. No man is going to walk by something he wants and not go after it.. have you ever seen a hungry lion walk past a temptingg gazelle?! No.. he chased it, tackled it and chowed down! What I am saying is, stop pursuing men! If he wants you, he will let you know and he will put in the work.. all you have to do is accept or deny his advances and be a viable “prey” (I know, bad choice of words).. As long as you know what it is that he is hunting.. if he is just after the booty.. then he should make that known.. but don’t go chasing after him..

These were just three things on my mind.. there are plenty more.. trust me.. I just get so tired of ladies falling for dumb sh*t because some book or magazine (Cosmo) told us “we’ll never understand them” or “let them be boys” and a bunch of other b.s…

Like yesterday.. I watched “He’s Just Not That Into You” for the second time.. I didn’t like it the first time, but hey, it was on the shelf at the library just screaming.. TAKE ME HOME AND TALK SH*T ABOUT ME..

I was mesmerized by how STUPID and DESPERATE the women were.. I mean really!? .. Everything that happened to them was so obvious.. the worst though, was the girl who was sleeping with a married man then got mad at him for entertaining his own wife.. GIRL BYE.. because she assumed he was leaving the wife for her.. hahahahha..

Anywho.. most of the things you read in the “self-help” section of Barnes and Noble and is Cosmo is a bunch of poppycock.. Here is all the information you’ll need to shut the dumb sh*t down: OPEN YOUR EYES AND PAY ATTENTION! ..

See?! How hard was that?!?! So.. put down the magazine, and stop believing the hype.. besides, you ever notice how Cosmo and those el desperado chick flicks would have you believe that white women are brain-dead when it comes to men?! How many black girls do you see in those books!? Hmm.. I guess that’s a win for us then huh?!

Quit the poppycock..


m. lauren
the keepin-it-100 relationship guru..

*probably a quote from many a frou-frou “relationship” book at Barnes and Noble..


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