No Babies For Me…

Black-momnoFor about 21 years of my life.. I was all about the fairy tale: husband, kids, dog, big ass house..

Then.. at 22, I got dumped and gained perspective.. big ass house? YES, dog? PRETTY PLEASE!, husband? one day but no big rush, kids? SKKKKKKKKERTTTTTTT!!! HOLD ON TO YOUR SEATS!!!!

You should probably take that screeching halt as a big fat N-O!

It’s not that I dislike kids sheesh, yes I do.. I just like them from a distance.. I used to want to be pregnant and have my man rub my belly and have a baby shower and take my kids to school and post cute pictures of them on facebook and whatnot.. then reality hit me..

Cute only lasts for so long..

I don’t want to be responsible for taking care of another human being.. I don’t even like taking care of myself.. baths!? we off that.. Having children was something that I considered because it seemed like what I should be doing.. The American Dream and all that 50s bullsh*t.. But I realized.. just as some people are meant to be single.. some are not meant to be parents.. and it was okay not want any.. Everything about having kids was appealing -picking names, having all the belly watch attention- that is until I came in contact with some human babies (as opposed to alien ones!?) and witnessed the magic of spit up formula, diaper changing and piercing cries for.. who knows what?!

People look at me crazy o_O when I say I don’t want kids.. or say: “you will one day”.. No, I doubt that I will.. I am just not a kid person..

Quite frankly, kids kind of annoy me.. they just get under my skin, asking questions and whatnot..

My plan is to be the best auntie in the world! I will take the kids to the zoo and bring them home so you can bathe them!! Let me take her shopping and talk to her about boys.. but you can whoop her ass for staying out late!! 

Hopefully, I’ll meet a man who is unsure of his want for children so that if my mind changes.. we can decide together..

I guess this means a lifetime of pulling out birth control huh!?

Why does everyone think that being born with ovaries makes me want to be a mother?!! I have feet but I don’t want to walk everywhere.. Being a mother is about more than being physically equipped to carry and birth a child.. a kid is a lifetime of.. life.. there is no return line.. there’s no “kids!? we off that”.. Your child is yours for life..

I could sit here and tell ya’ll that I’m just not ready for kids.. and that one day, I’ll be dying to be a mother.. but I wont.. I more than love my freedom.. I cherish it, I live for it.. if it was a man I’d marry it.. I like being able to decide to do something on a moments notice and just go out and do it.. I like to travel and try new things.. There are a lot of things that I want to do that I don’t want to have to look at any other person and see if they want to go or how they feel (this includes relationships)..

The thing that really kills me about this though is mothers.. so many of them seem to think that just because they gave up 9 months of stuff they really like to do and chase diaper thrashing toddlers all day.. and I don’t want to, that something is wrong.. it’s like I am offending them.. No, I just have no desire to do what you are doing hun!

I have heard moms tell non-moms that it is selfish of us not to want kids.. on the contrary my dear.. I believe it to be very selfLESS that I choose not to give birth to a mini version of myself.. selfless because Im choosing not to bring a child into this chaotic and reckless world I live in.. Not like the real world.. just the one I reside it.. it’s not very child friendly.. hell it’s not m. lauren friendly!!! But at the same time.. these moms are right.. I AM SELFISH.. I am 23 and reserve every right to do me.. and if Im 34 and still don’t want kids.. and Im still selfish.. so what?! Go wipe your kids nose and stay away from my Bentley..

The new millenium is like babyville.. kids are like Coach bags now.. everybody has one.. I honestly don’t like the fact that I have to ask a man if he has children when we first meet.. we’re in our early 20s.. why is baby making so rampant?! My whole thing is.. most of it is reckless baby making is by reckless individuals.. And even if they are responsible.. I honestly just can’t see what someone my age would want with a child?! But perhaps that is because I am cut from a different cloth.. maybe my cloth is cut from fantasies and loud noises.. and other people’s cloths are cut from trips to the zoo and picking out baby clothes!? Really.. I have no issue with people who have children at a young age if they are good parents (insert names of my friends here).. I have a problem with no-good, reckless parents (at any age).. if you can’t take care of a child.. keep it in your pants man!

If you do have kids.. more power to you.. when they are able to dress themselves.. call me.. I’ll babysit

Children just aren’t really my cup of tea.. what about you!? Do you like children!? Do you want or already have kids?! Am I a selfish human being?! Are you gonna cuss me out because you have more kids than the Jolie-Pitt tribe and you’re offended?! Let me know..

*if in 5 years you see me and little Jade walkin through the mall in matching berets.. screw this post and I better not see ANY side-eyes*


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