Let’s Take Our Time

Being single, I meet a few guys now and then.. I chat with them a bit and sometimes hang out once or twice.. But rarely do I find one that I really like and plan to devote time and energy to.. Case in point, I met a guy in the summer time.. Cute guy.. Phone convos.. Keep in touch with him but have never seen him in person since we met.. He’s nice enough but nothing is popping off there..

.. I am sitting at home and I don’t have anything to do really.. My attention is focused every which-a-where.. My man attention is focused on nothing at all.. So of course when I meet someone that I have even a mild attraction to, it would be easy for me to focus all of my man attention towards him.. There is an issue with this though:

I don’t know him that well — the problem here is giving too much too soon.. In the beginning when you are still feeling each other out, going on dates and all giggly, it is easy to quickly give all your attention to someone.. Before you know anything about them..

African_Couple_Kissing_iStock_5541151XSmallerImportant things like, how he resolves issues or how he manages his feelings aren’t usually discovered in those first moments.. They occur with time..

Its all about moving slow..

I’ve found that one of the best ways to move slow is to have something/one else to focus your attention on..

Why date one guy at a time?! Dating is like basketball try-outs.. How will I (the coach) know if the players are any good if they’re playing one-on-none?! They need to have some competition in order for me to see how well they would fit on my team…

Dating is all about being open and seeing what’s out there.. Not about jumping into relationships – which is what generally happens when there is too much focus on one person too soon..

The other day I talked about mistaking lust and infatuation for love.. The same can occur with like..

Sometimes it’s only fascination and intrigue.. But it’s mistaken for like for so many reasons

1. Time — spending large amounts of time with one person will either push you together or rip you apart.. When it’s with a new person, it is tempting to jump into spending mass amounts of time with them.. Instead of moving slowly and figuring them out, you’re moving full steam ahead with minimal knowledge and experience

2. They like you — a lot of times, a person will confess their undying adoration for you before you are ready for it.. So you dive in head first in order to reciprocate their feelings.. Without thinking critically about what’s going on.. you make up for what you lack in feelings by rushing and forcing yourself to like them

3. “It seems like” — everything seems honky-dory.. He’s the type you want in life and you create a fantasy behind this image.. Youre blinded by a rosy picture of green meadows and skipping while holding hands.. The problem is, you like the idea more than the actual person.. don’t focus on what you perceive or hope this to be.. focus on taking your time to discover what it could be later on

Liking someone for who they are comes only with time.. it takes more than 2 weeks to figure out that Johnny is really a rude ass who puts up a good front.. Rushing in creates problems that are harder to resolve because you’ve given life, energy and time to something..

Take your time getting to know a person, meet other people, do things that don’t have anything to do with dating and have fun..

There seems to be pressure on so many of us to enter relationships, but screw that notion, only get into one if its what you want in your life.. Not what someone else wants..

There is nothing to be gained by settling


m. lauren
Regular SBF


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