Had To Tell You

Dear Guy Who I Liked,

We were once something like friends.. we talked every now and then and were always very happy to see each other.. and as two attractive young people.. I guess we both started to “like” each other.. and then things went left!

I had a crush on you for a long time (probably since we’ve known each other).. and I once broached that.. but it was late and.. I was feeling a certain way and that conversation became sexual in nature.. and then.. I left that ish alone! Sometime later.. we started to see each other and talk more often.. and while I loved to flirting with you because your energy and aura are.. magnetic.. I didn’t take it seriously.. I always thought that you were kidding around.. so I left it alone.. and then one day.. something seemed to have changed.. it seemed like you were interested in me.. but you hadn’t said so.. again.. I left it alone.. and then I recall a conversation and you said you liked me.. and I thought to myself “I should probably ask him how”.. but I figured.. we’re already friends.. so he likes me like that?!

Because your friendliness makes me so comfortable.. I had no problem with saying the same.. and then.. again.. a change..

While I wanted to explore these “new” feelings by speaking in person, doing stuff together.. getting to know each other.. it seemed that you changed your mind.. and I was thinking “so, he doesn’t like me like that?!” Some days later.. I was able to understand that perhaps your like was really lust.. and you were interested in me.. for sexual reasons.. that you wanted to see if it was as good as it looks?! (j/k).. While I was thinking that our feelings were somewhat mutual.. and to be celebrated .. explored and revelled in.. you were hoping to get a taste.. and while I too wanted to see if your energy in person held up in.. other areas.. I didn’t want to find that out right away..

To be clear.. I was not and am not looking for a boyfriend.. what I am looking for is a person who likes me the way I like them.. and who is willing to explore those feelings.. and see where they go..

I appreciate that you were honest about your unwillingness to pursue said feelings.. I felt a bit misled.. and I still can’t understand why.. I don’t believe that you were dishonest with me.. but I do feel like you weren’t upfront.. I feel as though you guised your lust as like.. (even if it wasn’t on purpose)..

The hardest part about this.. is that as small as they were.. my feelings were real.. I did like you.. however.. it seemed like you skimmed over our awkward conversation and tried to move on.. but I realized that you’d hurt my feelings and it wasn’t that easy for me to forget and move on.. and then.. to make matters worse..  when I was ready to talk about how I felt (because I can’t get over things until I talk them out).. it seemed like you couldn’t give a damn.. and then.. I felt like you weren’t really all you seemed to be.. in all this time I’d “known” you.. so I figured.. my feelings didn’t matter to you.. why should I even continue to be friends with you!? Things would surely be awkward.. But you’re EVERYWHERE! Literally.. I cannot escape you.. so there’s no way that I could delete you from my life successfully.. since you didn’t seem willing to speak with me.. I decided to write you a letter that hopefully will only be obvious to you.. that way.. I can get over it and move on.. and the next time I talk to you.. things shouldn’t be as awkward.. at least I hope not..

I hope that you consider what I’ve said.. and respond to me via phone or in person.. I am only writing to express myself to you.. so don’t take this the wrong way.. and even though I kind of said I din’t like you anymore.. I still do.. and that is what really sucks..

Lastly, I know that I am responsible for some of the way things went.. and this is just my side.. I wonder what you think!?

Maybe I am writing because I don’t really want to delete you and still want us to be friends?!

Anywho.. this is just a piece of me for you

xoxo,

m. lauren — Regular SBF

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