SR // Stay In Your Lane

homewrecker_v1
Sidepieces make the world go round..

These SR’s usually start off carefree and whimsical.. a committed man and his sidepiece.. hangin out, hot sex on a platter, cheap dinner or maybe some shoes.. see your ass next time..

AND THEN..

She starts getting greedy.. sidepieces need to learn their place..

If you are the willing and able cots (chick on the side).. you have rules to follow..

1. Don’t call me, I’ll call you – helloooo!? He could be with the main chick at ANY time.. if he’s tryna link up.. he’ll give you a call.. and if not, you sit tight and wait for it.. if you are lucky enough to have thenumber, you better dial that bitch private.. ring codes (ring twice and hang up) do NOT work because it’s hella suspect..
2. Don’t send me any evidence – do not email, text, bbm or facebook him naked pictures or sexy messages.. the main is the main for a reason.. that bitch is smarter than your average bear (or dumb as hell).. if you send something that is suspect.. if will be discovered and you, boo boo, will probably get that ass mollywhopped! (why do they always go after the girl?)
3. Don’t be diggin up shit – as a sidepiece, you are to stay as far away from the fam as possible.. don’t google map , don’t yellow page .. don’t find out ANYTHING about him he didn’t tell you.. if you show up at the house or call the house.. the main will mop the floor with your ass!
4. Don’t ask questions, just do as I say – whether he’s tryna hide you before the front door opens, or is tellin you not to kiss him in public.. you better comply! Asking questions wastes time and energy he could be spending finding a more compliant sidepiece
5. Don’t deviate from the script – if the lie is that you’re the cousin.. you must be the cousin AT ALL TIMES (in public).. you can’t go to the mall all hugged up so the Nordstrom’s cashier can call gf #1 and tell her she saw her man and his cousin hugged up (ew)
6. Don’t ever think you’re safe – just because you go to the mall 60 miles away.. or you take a vacay to the cabins don’t mean you can’t be caught.. slick main chicks have friends in high and low places.. with camera phones! ..
7. Don’t go tellin your business – have you ever seen “The Women”!? Where ol girl tells her manicurist all about her new man.. and then manicurist tells his wife.. b/c she doesn’t know that’s his wife?! You keep this ish under WRAPS.. it’s called a secret romance for a reason!
8. Don’t try to become the main – a. if he is cheating with you.. he will cheat on you b. if he is lying to her.. he will lie to you c. you are already a homewrecking whore.. why would he want to wife that?!
9. Don’t think he won’t leave you too – oh you thought you were immune to getting dumped because you’re his jump off?! GIRL BYE! He will drop that ass like a hot potato as soon as a. you start getting clingy b. a new piece comes along c. your vag dries up
10. Don’t get involved – DUH.. a jump off will NEVER benefit .. a Fendi bag will not cure a broken heart boo.. no matter how much material things or money you receive.. you won’t have love, trust, respect or honesty.. you’re just a dedicated call girl

Honestly.. I’m not serious about these rules (except maybe 8-10) .. sleeping with, dating or even talking on the phone with a married man is dirty as all get out.. there are tons of single, eligible men in the world.. don’t waste your time or loosen your walls f’in with someone elses man! That Alicia Keys type bullshit dont fly around here.. I’d rather you find a man doin a bid #NoLockdown than insert your dirty little cooch into someone’s marriage.. *woo-saaah*

In short.. I would advise women to check before they f*ck! If he isn’t committed.. he is free game.. but if he has someone.. keep it moving.. thats like picking up gum from the bottom of the desk and chewing it.. NASTY..

 

If you do decide to get your homewrecking ass in a SR w/ a committed man.. follow these rules.. watch your back.. and wrap the f up you nasty skeezy hoe!

xoxo

-m. lauren, regular SBF

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