Lonely Feelings

It is normal to feel lonely every now and then.. you can have a billion people around you and feel lonely.. why?

Because.. you want to feel special and loved by someone.. there is a great feeling that comes with feeling like your a special gift to another person.. it’s an even better feeling when you know they feel the same way..

Lonely feelings usually come to me after I am around lovey situations or am in bed alone.. or anytime.. there is nothing wrong with feeling a little alone at times.. I can let the creative juices flow, or work out problems, or just be with myself..

The problem comes when one tries to relieve loneliness.. with someone.. anyone..

Like I said.. it’s a great feeling to be a gift to someone.. those feelings last and last..

But when you are settling -for a moment or a lifetime- for a person just so you won’ t be lonely.. the feelings you’ll have will mostly be synonyms of: misery

Although it sounds good to just grab up any person to hold you for a night, or sleep with.. it means nothing if they mean nothing to you!

I would like nothing more than to have a friend to call after a night of hanging out.. or to be asked if I want to go out to dinner.. or have someone waiting w/ my favorite movie.. or hell just cuddle with me.. BUT.. I R E F U S E to settle for that with just ANYONE!!

What purpose would that serve?! Sure.. I might get a free dinner.. or get my rocks off.. but at the end of the night.. there are no positive feelings of like (maybe love one day).. no pure affection.. no real intimacy.. it would be like using a receipt for a bookmark.. something to hold your spot until you come back and replace it with something better..

How about this.. I don’t want a receipt.. or a post-it note.. or a piece of paper from a notebook.. hell I don’t want the free bookmark from half-price..

I want the metal bookmark w/ the butterfly hanging from it.. the one that cost $20 and I would use for every book.. and never lose it.. something special, beautiful, worthwhile.. unique.. can I say it again?! SPECIAL..

Due to impatience.. I like many other people am quick to go for the first thing.. only to find out that the first thing I got was really a post it note.. that had already been scribbled on and lost it’s stickiness..

I decided I’d rather wait for something.. no, someone.. special.. who makes my heart flutter.. and makes me smile.. one who wants to hear my voice.. so he calls instead of texts.. one who loves all of me.. who makes me laugh and thinks I’m funny.. who will know when to come around and when to leave me the hell alone..

And no.. not a S.O.. just a guy.. who is interested.. interested in getting to know me better.. and perhaps, interested in exploring a relationship with me.. at some point..

I only want someone who is genuine in who he is and how he feels..

Until that time.. I will continue to have spurts of loneliness.. but I won’t act on them in ways that will hinder my ability to be the best SBF I can be.. the only way to find Mr. Special is to date and meet people and give them a chance..

But I’ll be sure to recognize his intentions from jump so that I don’t waste time on some fly-by-night lamewad..

Wouldn’t that be nice?!

I guess.. I am looking.. for something

xoxo

-m. lauren, regular SBF

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4 Responses to “Lonely Feelings”

  1. Great post! This perfectly encapsulates my current feelings and past mistakes. I need to read this site more often!

  2. regularsbf Says:

    Thank you so much, please do visit me more often!

  3. SaneN85 Says:

    Yep, I just found a great way to describe my ex-husband, a receipt as a bookmark. LOL

  4. Yeah, I think people settle all the time – because we are human and don’t want to be lonely. Great post – made me think.

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