Let’s Talk About Pep

Yes.. let’s!

I am a Salt n Pepa fan!! Pep now has a VH1 show where she is trying to find a man.. My favorite song incidentally is “I’ll Take Yo Man”..

Now.. this show is very similar to “Sex and the City”.. Pep and her “friends” Joumana, Kittie and Jacque meet for lunch and rehash their dates from the past week.. the friendships are contrived.. but its the dating that makes me crack up!!!

So.. on tonights show.. Pep hired a matchmaker and she threw Pep a party.. all of the men at the party were weird as hell!!

All of that to say:

If you had problems meeting someone.. would you hire a matchmaker?!

FREE M. LAUREN

Guys.. I am in twitter jail.. I have made this free m. lauren tee a la Gucci Mane, Pimp C and various hood niggas..

Please leave me messages of support in my time away.. @itsmlaurenbaby

I am in twitter jail because I was tweeting about the Monday night VH1 line-up which includes “Lets Talk About Pep”.. I have plenty to say.. stay tuned..

Have You Ever…

… Been speed dating!?

Let me know in the comments if you got this joke! I did.. rotflmao

I havent.. but today (weather permitting) I will!!

I am going to go with some friends to an event titled “Cuffing Season”.. (I know we won’t even go there!)

Anywho.. I am going to go to this event and speed date and have a little fun.. I have seen people speed date on tv and it looks like a good time.. Im not the type of girl to get all Cinderella about something like this.. I’ll be more.. Bad Girls Club..

I am not looking for love just some good laughs.. if I happen to meet someone nice.. then hopefully I’ll get a movie & some cheddar biscuits out of the deal.. or at least a good phone convo or two.. but I highly doubt I will since I will probably recognize most of the people there..

There is one guy in particular that I hope to see.. he is a club stalker.. and I have decided to turn the tables on him the next time I see him.. so he knows how it feels to get hawked!! However.. I have a feeling he knows how it feels already (because he is 007 sexy) so it might be a failed plan but a fun time..

Anyway.. I am just hoping to go have a good time.. laugh at some corny dudes and drink shirley temples to my little hearts content..

I will be sure to let you guys know how the speed dating went via FlyPaper Magazine!! stay tuned.. this is gonna be FUN!!

I guess I’ll give you Clevelanders the info (taken directly from my email #copyandpastethat): CUFFING SEASON, A SPEED DATING EVENT W/ STYLE @ LUST TONIGHT (2/5), 9PM To 11PM

Booty Calls and Other SRs

As you know.. I write for FlyPaper Magazine.. this is an article I did back in the summer.. I decided to share it here.. Enjoy!.. and visit FlyPaper  for more from me and the FP fam!

Ain’t No Call Like A Booty Call 

There was once a time when a guy would be “sweet” on a girl and court her.  He would take her on dates, whisper sweet nothings in her ear and be nervous about getting that good night kiss.  There was a time when young men walked up to a young lady’s door, presented her with flowers and brought her home before the bewitching hours (10p-3a) of the night.   

Boy, have times changed.  

In the new millennium, being “sweet” on a girl means that you think she has a fatty and you’d like to tap that.  Dates require as much time and preparation as it takes to text a girl and see if she wants just come “chill and watch a movie”, those sweet nothings in your ear consist of him whispering about how “bad” you are and that good night kiss? Well that just turned into a good night romp in the sheets.  In this day and age, a pack of condoms is more likely to be presented than something of the floral variety and those bewitching hours are prime-time for the modern day Casanova. 

Whatever happened to old school romance? Apparently it flew out the window with saddle shoes, glass Coca-Cola bottles and poodle skirts.  A new Sexual Revolution has taken over.  Much more under wraps yet nastier than the free love 70’s, the booty-call-friend-with-benefits-f*#%-buddy trend is liberating the pants off people from high-school to the Sunrise Senior Living complex.  But, this rash of no-strings sexual encounters comes along with plenty of issues:

1. one party lying to or leading on the other party resulting in 2. the risk of emotional attachment 3. the risk of contracting an STD/HIV/AIDS 4. pregnancy (a booty call baby) 5. the risk of public humiliation (usually in cases where one party goes locker room on the other), among other things. 

With all of these potential problems, why would one venture into the realm of booty call-dom?

Casual sex research conducted by ScienceDaily found, “… women are more willing to have casual sex when there is a chance of forming a long-term relationship.” Casual sex is not and will never be a precursor to a relationship.  As the old saying goes “if he can have the milk for free, why buy the whole cow?”  If it’s a relationship you are searching for, having casual sex can be very detrimental to what you’re trying to build.  Instead of creating a foundation for a strong, lasting relationship, people in these situations tend to settle for less.  If, in fact, a relationship did result from the random encounter, the foundation of the relationship would be based on the initial lust, so building upon that would take more work than you may be willing to withstand. Mutual sexual attraction does not equal compatibility.

Focus, instead, on what you want out of a successful relationship and what you have to offer.  If you have standards in mind, you won’t be quick to lower them for someone else, no matter how fine or drool-worthy he is.  Giving it up to get more will only result in you feeling used, regretful and emotionally shriveled.  According to ScienceDaily, “The predominant negative feeling reported by women was regret at having been “used”. Women were also more likely to feel that they had let themselves down … What the women seemed to object to was not the briefness of the encounter but the fact that the man did not seem to appreciate her.”  Take out time for yourself, learn who you are and appreciate yourself before seeking out a faulty relationship.

On the other hand, many people are comfortable in their sexuality and sexual decisions.  If you are one of these people and decide to embark on a no-strings sexual journey, take precautions to avoid confusion, negativity and emotional or physical harm.

All That Matters Is You

Sometimes I write from personal experience.. other times I take from other people I know or know of and their experiences.. I put myself in their shoes..

Here is the scenario: two people who are into each other but are not “together” in the traditional sense of being boyfriend/girlfriend.. they are technically single but see each other on a mostly exclusive basis.. of course people would have plenty to say about this unconventional arrangement..

Here are “my” thoughts:

To Mystery Gentleman Caller:

It’s like this.. I really care for you.. but we’re not together in the traditional sense.. You’re the man in my life and I’m the woman in yours.. we do things together and apart and both have feeling for each other.  People keep wondering how or why I’d be involved with someone in this type of situation! It’s very simple actually.. I am secure. 

I know how you feel about me and you know how I feel about you.. there is no need to question it.  We are not in a relationship because we have things to do before dragging each other into each others lives so deeply.. Sure I want to be with you totally and am sure you feel the same.. but if you can’t give me 100% then I wont short change myself, especially when I know I can’t give you 100% either. 

The fact is, it’s not about what I want.. it’s about who I want!  I want you and I’ll take it how you give it to me just like you’re willing to take whatever I have to offer to you!

I don’t believe I am settling.  How could I be? I am single as far as definitions go and I can go be with anyone I want.  And even if we stopped dating (or whatever you want to call it) I could pick up the pieces much the same way I would if I was breaking up with  a boyfriend.. I’ve worried about getting hurt, but the fact is being in a relationship won’t prevent you from hurting me or vice versa. 

Time wasting is never an issue because I enjoy whatever time we have together.. I am not pining away waiting for you.. I am out enjoying my life and doing my thing the same way you are.. but I am stuck to you like glue.  There are parts of me that I will share only with you for the time being.. I won’t be naive so we’ll only speak on what I know for sure and leave it at that. 

Am I waiting for you? I guess you could say something like that.. If I ever decided I no longer wanted anything to do with you.. I’d just stop dating (or whatever you want to call it) you!  It’s pretty much that simple.. I can walk away if I ever feel the need to..

But today.. I am pleased, happy, comfortable.. You’re my companion, my friend, my much more than anyone could imagine.. Nothing matters but our feelings for each other.

A relationship is defined as ”an emotional or other connection between people.” It is not defined as two people committed to titles or going steady (#throwback).. it’s an emotional connection.. When it comes to relationships.. it is the emotional bond that helps us to sustain.. not the titles & following the traditions of courting laid before us.. we make the connections work the best way we know how.. the thing that matters most when it comes to relationships is that the parties involved are happy with each other and the state their relationship is in.. if just having each other around is enough then so be it..

I have been faced with “titleing” a few times.. and the only thing that does is give you a possesive term to dish out when questions are asked.. I have no problem with giving or taking on titles.. but it is not necessary to define the type of relationship I am involved in.. if I say “we are dating” what I truly mean is “I really like him and he really likes me and we hang out and are possibly sexually involved but we haven’t made an exclusive commitment to each other”..

As long as I am happy and he is happy with whatever we are doing.. there is no need to question it..

Your Friend Is A Hoe

Super-duper sadface.. you’ve been hangin w/ Carmen (anybody read Flyy Girl lately?!) for a minute now.. she’s your road dog.. and if you are there.. so is Carm.. you two are sometimes described as joined at the hip.. Carmen is not your best friend.. she is just a close one that you have known for a while.. she’s pretty social and likes to hang out and LOVES the boys.. then you find out.. they boys LOVE her too..

What do you do when you find out your girl is a scuzzy slut bucket?!

I have been faced with this predicament a couple times..

See.. the Carmens are the girls who are super cool and you love to hang out with them.. they never have boyfriends.. or their relationships are always unstable.. they love to go out and meet new people and a lot of times are starved for male attention.. they are usually pretty easy.. the whole problem is.. you don’t know it!!

Carmen will tell you a bunch of stuff about her sex life.. but she’ll leave out the important parts.. like that she slept with 4 guys on the football team simultaneously.. or that she gave the guy you liked from winter quarter head in a bathroom @ the club.. she’ll tell you things that make her seem un-slutty.. but ehh.. she’s still not a virgin..

It’s not until you bring her name up around guy friends that they drop the “hoe bomb” on you.. of course.. you are utterly shocked and somewhat appalled O.O.. not Carmen!!.. she’s just.. [insert 10 lame excuses here]..

Of course after the hoe bomb is dropped the first time.. you continue to hang w/ ol Carm b/c she’s a good hanging buddy and probably misunderstood o_O.. but you watch her a bit more closely.. “did she just say…” “why is she dancin like that?”.. you listen more closely to what she’s saying to see if what guy friend #1 told you is true..

Now.. time passes and you kinda forget about Carm’s hoe bomb.. no one has said anything about it.. but.. then.. there is a sudden influx of “she nasty” “you know she a hoe” “you shoulda seen her..” “well yeah I did do that w/ him but..” BUT NOTHING..

Straight up.. your girl is a hoe! 1 or 2 people may mistake a couple sexual mishaps for hoedom.. but when people begin telling you out the blue.. bringing up stuff they’ve seen her do.. and she even says things that make you go hmm.. you’re dealing with a bonafide slutfriend..

What do you do!?

Honestly.. I never stopped hanging out with any of the people who have ever been hoe bombed to me (I will never tell names).. I liked them as people before.. and I continued to like them afterwards.. but I was always aware that the “birds of a feather” notion would be flying over my head.. And honestly.. that’s the only issue.. I honestly don’t care what animate or inanimate objects you put in your vajay as long as they don’t belong to me! If you keep your hoeness on the low.. or as low as you can.. then.. do you.. literally! I will just make sure that I keep my not-a-hoeness in check..

What will you do when the hoe bomb is dropped?! Will you drop your friend or stick by her side?!

Word to the wise.. keep the Carmens away from your man.. or a drop kick may be necessary!!

Break Up To Make Up

I hate hearing this phrase “on-again off-again”.. what is the point of breaking up just to get back together!? I don’t understand it!

I can see two people who get into an argument and break up during an angry moment.. but that’s not really a break up is it!? But.. the two who go their separate ways, see other people and a few weeks later decide they want to get back together?! Those couples are the ones who confuse me..

1. Why did you break up in the first place!?

2. If you broke up.. shouldn’t that be a GIANT clue that a relationship between you just might not work!?

I have never ever been the type to backtrack.. just never saw the point.. if you dumped me.. there was a problem with me or the relationship right!? So why would I want to come back to you if you don’t want me!? And why would you want me back after you broke up with me!? That dont make no kinda sense!

At the same time.. I understand mistakes.. and maybe one or two break ups were out of anger or were mistakes.. but breaking up 8 times.. I mean.. c’mon.. you need to just chuck the deuces and find someone new..

Now.. can someone PLEASE explain to me why this whole backtracking thing is goin on!?

Help For Haiti

On Tuesday a magnitude 7.0 earthquake struck the island of Haiti.. the streets are destroyed, family members are missing and building have crumbled..

What can we do to help!?

Check out Google’s Relief Page

Visit CNN to find out how to donate to: The American Red Cross, Direct Relief International, Care and more!!

This button does not work but visit www.yele.org for more information

SMS text “HAITI” to 90999 to donate $10 to Red Cross relief efforts

SMS text “YELE” to 501501 to Donate $5 to Yele Haiti’s Earthquake Relief efforts

PRAY

 Check CNN for Minute by Minute Updates

When Hurricane Katrina hit New Orleans, I wanted so bad to travel to LA and help rebuild, donate, something.. but I was unable to do so.. I am hoping that I will be able to do something for Haiti.. I donated via Yele.. but that is NOT enough..

Let me know what else there is that we can do!

Also.. I’m sure you’ve heard about Pat Robertson (ancient dude from The 700 Club).. who said that the quake was a result of “Haiti’s pact with the devil”.. huh?! Why do people believe that everytime something happens like this it is some sort of “punishment” from God!? An earthquake is a natural disaster.. just like a tornado, tsunami or a hurricane.. they have been happening since the beginning of time.. if a natural devestation like this one was punishment.. wouldn’t it be for the way we mistreat earth or something?! Futhermore.. how would Pat Robertson know that Haiti made a pact with the devil unless he was there and involved!? I mean really..

Anywho.. I wanted to share my opinion and hopefully find some ways to help out! Whatever you know.. please leave it in the comments.. until then.. my prayers are with the people of Haiti and I’ll be keeping my eyes peeled..

Oh and before I go.. I must say how thankful I am that I am to have life.. 2 jobs and love.. the little things that I found stressful.. like bills, boy b.s. and car troubles.. are tiny bumps in the road.. they don’t even matter.. clarity..

I’m STILL Not Coming To Your House … Boy

There is a reason that I like men.. they are always trying to prove something.. case in point.. this lovely fellow who pointed out all the “silly” notions (oh wait here’s the exact quote “dumb ideas”.. boy bye!).. I have about dating and some other bulljive.. Anywho.. this is what he wrote to me (and on his blog) as a response to my movie nights post.. My commentary is in.. pink cause I’m feelin quite girly ta-day.. #whysoserious?!

1. Movie night is not code for “let me try to hit that.” (45% of what men say is code for “let me try to hit that”.. #FACT) Movie night is code for “I was planning on staying in and watching a movie and it’d be somewhat more enjoyable if you came over and watched it with me.” (lazy) Guys want to know if a girl will fit into his life without turning everything upside down. You don’t have to change yourself to fit into our world, we just want to make sure you’re not going to try to change our world to suit you. Inviting you to do things we were going to do anyways is the best way to do that. Also, it reminds you that our plans aren’t contingent on your participation.

1(a). All guys want to get into your pants (no freakin duh!), regardless of what you do on your date. If a guy’s not trying to sleep with you, he’s either a gutless coward, or getting plenty elsewhere. Or you’re uggo (hehehhe uggo).

1(b). “No funny business,” does not mean “no funny business.” It means “Be cool and there’ll totally be some funny business.” (No “funny business” means, “no funny business unless I try some funny business”.. in other words.. I agree)

2. We want to know what type of person you’re like before we expose the world to you. We need to see what you’re like in a controlled environment before we risk taking you out into public where you might mistreat waiters, but rude to any friends we happen to run into, or just cause a scene for no good reason. (ehh.. take the risk.. SPEND THE MONEY)

3. Getting to know a guy doesn’t give you any real assurance that you’re not going to be raped or murdered by him. Getting to know him just means you’re probably going to end up like a whole lot of other women and overlook obvious signs of creepiness or douchebaggery and forgive him when he mistreats you. Better to get a good gauge of his criminal tendencies before you’ve grown attached. (Again I agree)

4. No dates are creative. Every date you ever go on has literally been done before. (I literally laughed out loud at this because 1. it is true and 2. creative and unique are not synonyms.. hence the use of the word creative.. it doesn’t matter if it has been done.. we just want you exert a little effort)

4(a). We don’t want to do all the work on the date. Dates are a way for people to get to know each other and enjoy each other’s company. Only a fool sets up his date to be nothing more than an intensive test where he is on trial and the girl is judge, jury and executioner. (He who asks shall plan.. she who accepts shall have fun)

5. None of you is pure an innocent and we know it. Stop pretending otherwise. When you act all prim and proper at the start but then reveal a freaky side later, you’re just going to find yourself with a guy who wanted the prim and proper girl. That’s why he was dating her! He wasn’t dating you secretly hoping you’d be someone else. He was dating you hoping you were you. (this isn’t about pretending to be someone you’re not.. it just means that we like to give a little mystery.. men supposedly like the chase .. so we let you get your roadrunner on)

||The Superior Sex Has Spoken||

Even though I listed many reasons women don’t generally like to spend the first date in a mans home.. it boils down to one point.. uncomfortableness.. the home is usually the place where a person is most comfortable.. if you are not comfortable with a person at the time of invitation to their home.. rejection is more likely to happen..

**Furthermore.. to the fellow who felt the need to dispute everything I said.. the post you referred to was a listing of women’s thoughts about movie night.. not a listing of men’s thoughts or idiocy.. #getoveryourself

And lastly.. as customary.. thought I’d point out how serious I am.. ahh not that much.. Enjoy.. and umm.. visit ol dudes blog & tell him what you think about his grasping of my “silly” notions oh and btw.. its “Single… And Looking?”

Thank you, come again!

**editors note** this post and the one before are to give men insight into WHY we are not big fans of movie night ESPECIALLY on the first date.. The statements reflect our thinking towards the opposite sex.. Our thinking IS generalized until the exception(s) come along.. So don’t be so damned sensitive with your fragile man-child egos and suck it up.. This is what most of think of you until you prove us wrong..

“Lets Just Chill And Watch A Movie”

Or… NOT!

Guys, I want to let you in on a little not-so-secret.. we do NOT want to come over for a “movie & just chill”.. there are a couple of reasons why..

NUMBER ONE: Movie night is a loose translation in dateguage for = let me try to hit that.. Most of the ladies know this! A movie is the perfect opportunity for you to see how far you can go because the lights are off, we are in close proximity and you think you’re slick! If we come over for the movie we either a. are going to have sex with you anyway or b. really want to watch a movie so don’t try nothin.. Group A is usually easy to tell because she’ll accept the invite with no other questions and come on over.. Group B will probably say something like “no funny business”.. Group C (the girls who know whats up and “aint down wit dat”) are the girls who will emphatically say “NO” when asked for a movie night and suggest another date idea.. Group D are girls who are just plain naive and don’t understand the dateguage code.. they will come for the movie and probably give it up and then say “oohhh’ when her friends explain how you just played her like a fiddle

NUMBER TWO: We want to be shown off.. especially if this is date one, we want to see what kind of person you are out in public, how you’ll treat us and how people respond to you.. cooking dinner at your place is sweet and all but I want to know if you are rude to waiters, hold doors and will try new things! We will also assume that you are trying to get into our pants if we are invited over.. it’s just a fact.. you are a guy (guilty) until proven a real man (innocent) .. A “guy” is after the panties, the conquest, the conquer.. a real man is after the woman herself.. ||generalizations are not 100% accurate, learn a person individually|| Until we feel comfortable with your intentions.. we may avoid being at the house during certain time periods

NUMBER THREE: We don’t know you like that! Serial murderers and rapists walk the streets like regular people do.. they have jobs and friends and go to the zoo.. As women living in the “Age of Lifetime”.. we are sometimes extra cautious.. meeting you at the restaurant, bringing a friend to sit at the bar while we eat, not letting you see where she lives.. these actions were created by women who don’t want to get dated raped and blugeoned end up as case studies for Law and Order: SVU.. Don’t fret if you are dating this woman.. just allow her to get comfortable with you and show her that you are a stand up guy.. but please don’t go all Scott Peterson on her after she falls in love!

NUMBER FOUR: We want you to be creative.. cooking dinner and watching a movie in your living room can be both romantic and boring! Spice things up a bit! We want you to think of something fun and exciting to do with us on dates.. After a few relationships and millions of dates.. they are all the same.. steak is steak and a rom-com is a rom-com.. Mix it up and surprise us with something that has never been done!

NUMBER FIVE: We don’t EVER want you to think we are that girl.. the easy girl, the slutty girl, etc.  We are pure and innocent until we know you well enough to unleash the freak! If she doesn’t want to be alone with you or at your home, it may be because she doesn’t want to get into a sexual situation “too soon” or lead you to believe that she is a frequentor of “movie nights”..

Guys.. we are complicated creatures.. we know this! We have a reason for not doing anything and never have a reason for doing it.. we group all of you together until you’ve proven that you are an individual worthy of being called a man and we hold our standards close to our hearts.. We want the best kind of man that we can find just like you want the best woman you can find.. so don’t argue about why Blockbuster nights can be fun.. whip out that thinking cap and WOW us!

||please note: this post refers to ladies and real women.. hoodrats don’t mind movie nights||