As you know.. I write for FlyPaper Magazine.. this is an article I did back in the summer.. I decided to share it here.. Enjoy!.. and visit FlyPaper for more from me and the FP fam!
Ain’t No Call Like A Booty Call
There was once a time when a guy would be “sweet” on a girl and court her. He would take her on dates, whisper sweet nothings in her ear and be nervous about getting that good night kiss. There was a time when young men walked up to a young lady’s door, presented her with flowers and brought her home before the bewitching hours (10p-3a) of the night.

Boy, have times changed.
In the new millennium, being “sweet” on a girl means that you think she has a fatty and you’d like to tap that. Dates require as much time and preparation as it takes to text a girl and see if she wants just come “chill and watch a movie”, those sweet nothings in your ear consist of him whispering about how “bad” you are and that good night kiss? Well that just turned into a good night romp in the sheets. In this day and age, a pack of condoms is more likely to be presented than something of the floral variety and those bewitching hours are prime-time for the modern day Casanova.
Whatever happened to old school romance? Apparently it flew out the window with saddle shoes, glass Coca-Cola bottles and poodle skirts. A new Sexual Revolution has taken over. Much more under wraps yet nastier than the free love 70’s, the booty-call-friend-with-benefits-f*#%-buddy trend is liberating the pants off people from high-school to the Sunrise Senior Living complex. But, this rash of no-strings sexual encounters comes along with plenty of issues:
1. one party lying to or leading on the other party resulting in 2. the risk of emotional attachment 3. the risk of contracting an STD/HIV/AIDS 4. pregnancy (a booty call baby) 5. the risk of public humiliation (usually in cases where one party goes locker room on the other), among other things.
With all of these potential problems, why would one venture into the realm of booty call-dom?
Casual sex research conducted by ScienceDaily found, “… women are more willing to have casual sex when there is a chance of forming a long-term relationship.” Casual sex is not and will never be a precursor to a relationship. As the old saying goes “if he can have the milk for free, why buy the whole cow?” If it’s a relationship you are searching for, having casual sex can be very detrimental to what you’re trying to build. Instead of creating a foundation for a strong, lasting relationship, people in these situations tend to settle for less. If, in fact, a relationship did result from the random encounter, the foundation of the relationship would be based on the initial lust, so building upon that would take more work than you may be willing to withstand. Mutual sexual attraction does not equal compatibility.
Focus, instead, on what you want out of a successful relationship and what you have to offer. If you have standards in mind, you won’t be quick to lower them for someone else, no matter how fine or drool-worthy he is. Giving it up to get more will only result in you feeling used, regretful and emotionally shriveled. According to ScienceDaily, “The predominant negative feeling reported by women was regret at having been “used”. Women were also more likely to feel that they had let themselves down … What the women seemed to object to was not the briefness of the encounter but the fact that the man did not seem to appreciate her.” Take out time for yourself, learn who you are and appreciate yourself before seeking out a faulty relationship.
On the other hand, many people are comfortable in their sexuality and sexual decisions. If you are one of these people and decide to embark on a no-strings sexual journey, take precautions to avoid confusion, negativity and emotional or physical harm.
Read more »
I’m STILL Not Coming To Your House … Boy
Posted in Boy Bye!, I Lol'd On Your Ass!, I'm Just Sayin, SMH at your leisure, Sigh Life, m. lauren speaks with tags bl1y, blog, comments, dating, men, relationships, sex, women on 01/09/2010 by regularsbf1. Movie night is not code for “let me try to hit that.” (45% of what men say is code for “let me try to hit that”.. #FACT) Movie night is code for “I was planning on staying in and watching a movie and it’d be somewhat more enjoyable if you came over and watched it with me.” (lazy) Guys want to know if a girl will fit into his life without turning everything upside down. You don’t have to change yourself to fit into our world, we just want to make sure you’re not going to try to change our world to suit you. Inviting you to do things we were going to do anyways is the best way to do that. Also, it reminds you that our plans aren’t contingent on your participation.
1(a). All guys want to get into your pants (no freakin duh!), regardless of what you do on your date. If a guy’s not trying to sleep with you, he’s either a gutless coward, or getting plenty elsewhere. Or you’re uggo (hehehhe uggo).
1(b). “No funny business,” does not mean “no funny business.” It means “Be cool and there’ll totally be some funny business.” (No “funny business” means, “no funny business unless I try some funny business”.. in other words.. I agree)
2. We want to know what type of person you’re like before we expose the world to you. We need to see what you’re like in a controlled environment before we risk taking you out into public where you might mistreat waiters, but rude to any friends we happen to run into, or just cause a scene for no good reason. (ehh.. take the risk.. SPEND THE MONEY)
3. Getting to know a guy doesn’t give you any real assurance that you’re not going to be raped or murdered by him. Getting to know him just means you’re probably going to end up like a whole lot of other women and overlook obvious signs of creepiness or douchebaggery and forgive him when he mistreats you. Better to get a good gauge of his criminal tendencies before you’ve grown attached. (Again I agree)
4. No dates are creative. Every date you ever go on has literally been done before. (I literally laughed out loud at this because 1. it is true and 2. creative and unique are not synonyms.. hence the use of the word creative.. it doesn’t matter if it has been done.. we just want you exert a little effort)
4(a). We don’t want to do all the work on the date. Dates are a way for people to get to know each other and enjoy each other’s company. Only a fool sets up his date to be nothing more than an intensive test where he is on trial and the girl is judge, jury and executioner. (He who asks shall plan.. she who accepts shall have fun)
5. None of you is pure an innocent and we know it. Stop pretending otherwise. When you act all prim and proper at the start but then reveal a freaky side later, you’re just going to find yourself with a guy who wanted the prim and proper girl. That’s why he was dating her! He wasn’t dating you secretly hoping you’d be someone else. He was dating you hoping you were you. (this isn’t about pretending to be someone you’re not.. it just means that we like to give a little mystery.. men supposedly like the chase .. so we let you get your roadrunner on)
||The Superior Sex Has Spoken||
Even though I listed many reasons women don’t generally like to spend the first date in a mans home.. it boils down to one point.. uncomfortableness.. the home is usually the place where a person is most comfortable.. if you are not comfortable with a person at the time of invitation to their home.. rejection is more likely to happen..
**Furthermore.. to the fellow who felt the need to dispute everything I said.. the post you referred to was a listing of women’s thoughts about movie night.. not a listing of men’s thoughts or idiocy.. #getoveryourself
And lastly.. as customary.. thought I’d point out how serious I am.. ahh not that much.. Enjoy.. and umm.. visit ol dudes blog & tell him what you think about his grasping of my “silly” notions oh and btw.. its “Single… And Looking?”
Thank you, come again!
**editors note** this post and the one before are to give men insight into WHY we are not big fans of movie night ESPECIALLY on the first date.. The statements reflect our thinking towards the opposite sex.. Our thinking IS generalized until the exception(s) come along.. So don’t be so damned sensitive with your fragile man-child egos and suck it up.. This is what most of think of you until you prove us wrong..
1 Comment »